the cactus conspiring with sweet darkness
to weave the story of the deserted minds
the cactus brooding over-eyes on the far horizon
to weave the tunes of the lonely minds
the cactus seduces the azure sky
weaving dreams
to germinate on the barren life
the cactus flirting with the rainless cloud
to shower rainbow colors on the empty hearts-
the cactus beckons weeping silence
to weave a rhapsody for forlorn souls
Author notes
"Cadaver Cafe:Special Today-GraveRobber Goulash"
A contest entry
- Weaving by CarolDesjarlais.
600 points, ended May 25, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything-prewrites allowed-2nd contest by Midgetbridgey.
350 points, ended July 11, 2008, 249 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Punching Holes In Hapiness by FakingItForReal.
300 points, ended July 28, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The last two stanzas really make what this poem is. I loved your use of personification, and word use. ('forlorn', not very common... kudos to you!) I think the poem would have been more powerful if you had used a metaphor other than a cactus. I can see why you chose the cactus and it fits the theme well, but a cactus is so simple, I would try using more complex things for metaphors. Just a suggestion
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The phrase "azure sky" seems endlessly used in free verse. I think you could use someonethign else.
Liked the play on words in the second line, "deserted minds." -
What a beautiful job you did on this one! I love cactus for reason, and this piece just really reminds me of why!
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sweet darkness weaves the story of flirting with rainbow colors; seduces to germinate .
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Oh wow...the cactus pinning a torn sky...I so see this image...thank you so much for sharing this poem with us.
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