There are some words that change the way I see
I can't explain the way they make me feel
A simple phrase can build a brand new me
It can't be seen but every change is real
My mind alights on avenues of thought
That lead to places I have never been
I find the answers I have never sought
And know the questions I have never seen
I didn't start to write to change my mind
I thought that I was whole in every way
And now I have new depths I have to find
Before I know the man I am today
The time will come when truly I am me
When I can live the world I start to see
In a list
A contest entry
- Do You Write Serious Poetry or the Kind that Rhymes? (Contest) by Peripatetic.
1400 points, ended July 29, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Wow, I love this write of yours! Such a wonderful way with words dear poet.
Looking forward to reading more of your work. This is my first poem I clicked on of yours, but will be reading more of your work.
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I found this interesting but it sort of ended before it come to any conclusions, I think. But there's no harm in a bit of introspection, I suppose.
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Excellent
Very well written CricketJeff!!!!!! i prefer rhymes to sonnets. Your rhyming is outstanding. Good luck in the contest.
Brian
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You know sweet knight you are so damn right.
Thank you for everything Jeff you are a true friend
Love you
Jem -
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i just found this corker whilst perusing around your site,,,,i like this very much...as you know i have no skill to give a critical comment on the form or structure...but the poem is quite astounding as it gives the reader an insight into the real you...this tells me you are a seeker..always seeking.. a fellow traveller upon this road to who knows where.......this is a really profound poem..i think overlooked by lovers of your work.......mmm it's over a year old ....i will give you the points to put this in that poetry for fun box......i would like more people to see the real you....and in order to do that i think this poem would raise an eyebrow or two....so many people here try to imitate you but don't really know the real you...i at first thought you were an excellent poet....but i never found one of your poems that jumped of the page and shook me ....i know different now...this is excellent......keep well
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Bloody brilliant.
You know why you're a dull poet? Because you make most of my comments dull and boring. Just a simple 'Bloody brilliant'. Dull and boring.
God no. Far from dull and boring. My comments are, but you are not. I wouldn't have said the dull and boring bit at all if it were anywhere near true about you.
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Nice. I was afraid this might become altogether too reductive but you've managed to maintain a certain poise. Ther only flaw I could think of is that it comes across a tiny bit preachy. But, all in all, it's not half bad. Andy.
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nice poem
weldone
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Brillant write...my pleasure to read.
Shelly
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wow truely amazing i loved it with all my heart great write keep it up.....
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I think this is brilliant
Oh so beautiful
What's inside of you
The body that's the hull
Holds thoughts held by so few
Many held by one, in fact
New ways to create new days
Bringing things before we lacked
In your head, Jeff, genius lays
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awwwww a very honest creation!
Well done my dear!
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Amaazing write. I agree sometimes we change the world from what ppl want us to see to what we want to see as a person
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This is really good! It flows and has really good rhythm.
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Very cleverly written....the delights of an enquiring andcomplex mind.... love it!
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Another sonnet from the past master, perfect in form with wonderfully flowing rhythm and rhyme. This could relate the self-examination of life experience generally. Here it is specific to the poet's personal and literary growth. The couplet sums up nicely the poem's theme which builds line by line to this denouement.
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Excellent Poet.
A wonderfully penned piece here my friend.
I like how you express yourself honestly and openly.
Keep up the great works, and shine on.
Peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver
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This is really good. I believe that everyone feels the same. They wish they could be free to be themselves I know i do. Good work
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As far as I can tell Jeff Green you do a bloody good impersonation of yourself. Long may you change and grow into the you of tomorrow, my friend.
xxx Jem
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great poem Jeff
you will live the you that you wanna be one day it will come just like your muse does
x ju x
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a well executed piece in good form and style. the rhyme is deftly done and the enjambment flows perfectly. your diction is pleasant ot read and the overall message is one oof a wonderfully pensive and inspirational nature. peace be with you sir
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As I see it you've said exactly what you wanted to say. As a fellow poet and a man I've felt and tried to write about the same things. This is the type of poetry I can only aspire to write.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Thank-you, praise indeed and likely to make me swell headed. I am sure you will write poems that satisfy you more than this does and I hope I too continue to grow, I intend to be perfect one day, I just need to arrange to live for another thousand or two years
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When I can live the world I start to see... needs work... and I'll live in that world I start to see... something like that. This has an excellent image. Sounds like something I might write. It needs to be edited at least once more to smooth out some of the phrasing, but it is a solid sonnet. Everything is in the right place. With the exception of the last line all lines and stanzas pass. Good work. Have some bunnies.
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The world I'm starting to see is not a world one can live in, "live the world" was intended to have a rather deeper meaning, clearly another miss on my part, there is also an ambiguity intended in the last line, I want to have the choice to live that world, it does not follow that I shall take that option. But thanks for the praise, keeping phrasing in perfect line with what you want to say without compromising on meter is always the hardest part.
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You are splitting hairs. There is no way the two sentences do not mean the same thing. If one can be taken transcendentally, so can the other. Why would you write an entire sonnet in one style of language then, in the last line, expect the reder to interpret the language completely differently? Living in a world and living a world are the same thing. It is like saying 'multiplied by' rather than 'times'. The equation still equals the same either way.
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something along the lines of "When I can touch the life I start to see" is what I am looking for, but that implies that the life is me alone, whereas world embraces everyone.
I don't know that I want to live int the world, to illustrate I am sat waiting for an interview n Piccadilly, so where I am sat is a bench in Green Park, to my left is The Ritz, if I get the role this is the first interview for I shall be able to stay in the Ritz and a whole world of that sort woul be open to me, it is however very unlikely I would do so, I would have the choice is all.
In life we all grow and make choices, my sonnet is about a choice that is becoming available, not about making the choice.
Hair splitting is important! I'm much better at splitting hairs than writing!
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Wondrous poem ...
filled with beautiful truth ... In simplicity, complexities of this world become known.
Live the world you see, Poet, and be happy!
Love
Myra
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Words can change what we see as we write them down.A simple phrase can change the pattern of thought and builsd something new.Likewise reading so,ething can make changes in out thought patterns.You are so right.We make the world we want it to be and we should live in that moment for ever.An interesting write that set me thinking.Thankyou for sharing, Ros
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I second what Sue says-all the way.
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I think your friends below miss the point. The easy answer is to be happy with yourself the way you are. That is to misunderstand the longing - in particular the artistic longing - in this poem.
Hell - if we were content, we wouldn't be poets!
If I read you rightly, this is about how you feel when reading the words of a poet you admire, but whose facility with words you can't quite understand nor (at this point in time) emulate. That is a place I go to daily (although I think I do have the knack of being able to spot exactly what a poet is trying to do) and I think you and I are made breathless by the same AP poet.
I can go back again and again to (for example) the first four lines of Shakespeare's Sonnet XVIII, the opening of Dylan Thomas' "Under Milk Wood", and my jaw will drop every time. They make it all seem so simple.
It is very easy to say "cut your coat according to your cloth; you are Jeff Green, not John Milton." But equally, I like the saying: "Be realistic - ask for the impossible". If you aim high you'll hit something.
Now, to this poem. What I want to know is - why didn't you say "I paint the stripes on radiators and the carved patterns on 930s fireplaces"? Why not even "A phrase can make me want to write a book"? Why is it that you can write IMs to me full of metaphor and image, and yet you turn away from them in your poetry? Are you frightened of what you can do? This poem is pure Jeff Green, worth no less than three rounds of applause and probably a lot more. It is straightforward, and does exactly what it says on the tin.
I want to ask you this: your phrase about stripes, radiators, and fireplaces was far more than the sum of its parts - can you say the same about this poem? I can see "My mind alights on avenues of thought"... good that's metaphorical. No, I don't want to see you larding your work with excess verbiage... but I know you know what I mean.
You're Michael Vaughan, but sometimes you could be Kevin Pietersen. Buckle the occasional swash!
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Sonnet?
Nice!! i enjoy your writing...
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You know that we will never become the people we truly want to be, we will always learn and grow with every new experience or mistake!
A lovely sonnet...Sue x
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To be who you wish to be
live your life and be happy
for in my eyes you are just fine
a friend and someone that is loved.
Joann
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Tory says:
You need no changes..You are you, and well loved by many, but not like your loved by me. I am sorry.
Love you always.
Tory
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