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....fall

Used, shattered, torn back down
Covered by pain, I hit the ground
Trying this memory to erase
But I’ll never succeed in forgetting your face

All the sickness built up inside
I knew it would hurt me, yet I tried
Now what do I have at the end of the day?
More anguish inside as you walk away

Try to forget you and fall down gently
My blackened heart just will not let me
How much longer must I go insane?
I guess there's no clock in the world of pain

As I lay dying my eyes see no light
I have no will left, no strength to fight
A meaningless life is no life at all
Something inside me dies as I fall

Leaving this place my soul goes quickly
Kindess and love gone, hate engulfs me
Knowing tomorrow will never come
I cry at the setting of my last and final sun

Author notes

SUICIDE MISSION"

A contest entry

Give it to me straight, and tell me exactly what you think.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    To be completely honest, I found it to be sad, though in the exact opposite way I'd been hoping for. In a good suicide-poem, the lack of emotion can drive the reader to tears, but this one didn't quite have that impact. In fact, the whole thing was very contrived, and the rhyme just didn't grab me.

    Better luck next time.

  • randyhalfway
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow what an amazing poem. Your really awesome. I freakin wish i could write something like that. Where could you have gotten the inspiration...?


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good imagery. I like this very much. Thank you for entering and following the rules of this contest. YOu did a good job on this write. Thank you for sharing and good luck in my contest


  • unanswered
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This envoked all of the feelings of a broken heart. It was intense and sad. I appreciate you entering and good luck.


  • Jessi-desensytized
    May 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.

    thats all i feel i have to say.... once again... just wow.

    it gave me the chills.................... WOW!


  • beautifull-ugly228
    May 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!! You want my honest opinion it fuckin sucked...........................................................................................................sucked me dry of words to describe how hard this hit me this was amazing it got to me and just kept digging and digging at my heart telling me to keep reading!!!!

1 - 7 of 7