stir in murky waters
sacked guts
pomp and pomposity
tell me it doesn’t stink
tell me
I am waiting for
raw sewage
to sprout
Lilies
in this field
In a list
A contest entry
- RAW by Cat.
800 points, ended June 7, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Oh My, this is agonizing
I like how you came in, then went out with your tangible brevity. You gave me a distinctive description in the first few lines, and I felt an image of rawness by freely interacting in... "murky waters," how ironic, yet I love how you bring out what people don't think about in such an exposed way. Verse 3 onward emphasizes an action in sarcastic vision that it's just all fine, especially when you think about their 'fun' motorboats etc as part of the cause.
Wow. The ending is unbelievable in reply to pollution with no suits to growth like rain and pollination, but in a very wide-spread perspective actually letting me nod to why it should be written in poetry. "to sprout Lilies in this field" was like the best part of this write, defining that it never will this way anyway. But, you have a wonderful illustration that if nobody minds this, is it just the same as cultivated dirt? If so...
And, even if it isn't literally Lilies, it stands as a general smile, can wild river life and things like that hold up and keep producing?
Congratulations on bronze, it was interesting to ponder on some awareness,
Daisy -
Congratulations on the bronze!
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Love it...
Concise and well written
Congrats
Becky
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I really like this.
I love pomp and pomposity stirred together in sound words.
I love lilies in the raw sewage.
I think the only thing i would have love to have seen is a different title, one that gives a bit of a hint to the topic without giving too much away- I think you could have used the title as a kabaam line rather than a repeat line. - or even something like "what sewage yields".. i think you give the lilies away too soon is my point.
but i love this- concise- very very very nice.
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Hmmm, good thought.... In Fields Of Sewage.......
ty so much Cat.
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Excellent
What a great creation for the theme. As usual so very well crafted. Best of luck in the contest.
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Well, I do once in a while get on a bandwagon about pollution....makes me so mad to have red tide because ages ago it all started.
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and yet this is the way we treat the places we live, like the things we do ..no matter how extreme...will wind up sprouting flowers...there are simply too many of us now...excellent work here...PK
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I am such a good recycler...even my art is altared stuff these days.... Man, can you ever do neat stuff...
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This is quite raw with the sacked guts and the murky waters. I like the waiting for lilies to sprout out of this stuff.
Nice write.
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ty judyjudyjudy
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