She walks naked
with a cigarette
through almost bare rooms
calculating how long
and how many men
it will take
to furnish her home
with more
than street lights
and smoke.
Author notes
Prompt: Naked
In a list
A contest entry
- Naked by AJ Morelli.
2500 points, ended June 3, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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wow.
stunning sketch in just a few sparse words and images.
so many forms of emptiness, understated and heartbreaking. unflinching honesty, refusing to look away or soften the stark corners and sharp edges o0f that room... you did an amazing job with this.
appreciate the wordplay of the title too. -
i like this very much,
the naked woman in the bare room works well in S1 which is a perfect opening...
the rest is wistful and sad (in a good way
)
i like the word "furnish" in S3, great choice and the closing image is a haunting one,
i would end this with a period because of the strength of the closing stanza...
a great entry here, thanks
al -
WOW...Amazing...WOW. So much said in these short lines. I read your pieces and you never disappoint me. just WOW.
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.
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GRITTY...this is the first word that comes
to mind...that and vulnerability although
that is not expressed here. Empty rooms and
the automatic calculations on how to "fill"
them (to still feel empty) express things
between these few lines; things such as
lonliness and fear. Please add more to your
"Blues". Blue
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Ah!
This is brilliant Lane. The bareness extends beyond the body and into the soul.
Paul
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My Lady
Strong succinct write, as always.
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A determined woman “on the make” is somewhat scary.
Love, Peter
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lol if I didn't know you better, I would have called the 'calculating' LOL...but then again why should we have to do everything
Love, C
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As always, your gift for imagery is unparalled. Great write.
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An excellent poem and you left images in my head that made me smile...I hope she dressed before they arrived
Love
Sue
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hmm... those first three lines make one heck of a poem! That's all I really needed to read here to appreciate your beautiful mind... but the rest just added to the complexity of it.
41
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The pictute you paint in my mind leads me to think your not real happy/satisfied right now. Getting settled in a new home, city, job was always exciting to me. Though I'm permanently settled now, I miss starting over sometimes. New chances, new faces, new goals, new fears, and new achievements, new friends, an new loves. Once settled, everything will fall into place for you. But give up the smokes! They'll kill ya
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Pantress...
this is not autobiographical but hey, what a great comment and good advice! lol (I don't smoke anymore) Love, Lane
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Makes me feel rather melancholy for some reason, but I did enjoy it Lane, all the best in the contest.
Love and peace always,
mj.
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What a terrific response to the prompt... Coldly calculating the cost of love... Wonderfully creative and scary (LOL)...
Ken
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And so to the poem - rather lacking from everyone else's comment. But how can I comment, Lane, other to say that you have done it again? You have populated the minimum of lines with the maximum of impact, told a life-story by implication, set a scene, expressed a mood. The image of there being little to see apart from the smoke from her cigarette and the harsh street lights' glare angling in sharply through the curtainless windows, is very vivid. The juxtaposition of her nakedness, the almost bare room, and (the implication of) the emptiness of her existence... the fact that in the midst of all this nothing she is calculating (she is a calculating person, but with how much success?)...
This is what poetry is all about, from Chaucer to Bukowski and beyond, Other people make it seem facile - you are one of the rare people who makes it all seem so easy, when it is not. You are one of the handful of poetic artists I truly admire. The rest of us are mere strugglers.
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and this is why I'm always broke lol
a very interesting write, cut down to the "bare necessities", yet filled with so much. Very well done.
Rory
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Just one... what is this, a trick question?
If a fisherman uses a hook without a barb, it is because he only wants to play with the fish and never actually pull one into the boat. As soon as they come out of the water for a split second, the fish flops much faster in the air, the hook dislodges and the fish is free. I understand that. I will, however, throw my beer at him if he complains he's starving and hasn't eaten for days. Three Bunnies.
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Making plans through the haze of cigarette smoke...i imagine it all seems quite clear...nice...PK
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Captivating, three stanzas of thought and contemplation
(along with some devilish female calculations; which without such in the world, it would be far less interesting, and "far" less populated? )
But... why not try Angie's list or Craig's list?
I calculate with one more cup of coffee I can drag my ass outside and get busy today. It has rained the last two days and the weather is marvelous for this time of year.
have fun up yonder, its going to be a great holiday weekend there
Len
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An interesting calculation, I wonder what the exchange rate is like
Startling and thought provoking image.
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Poor men
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Amen
Becky
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I LOVE IT! All three stanzas are absolutely beautiful and just it captures the reader so well. Excellent write Lane! Keep it up like you always do, Peace n' Love JT
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