i.
& when it all falls
apart, with you left
to struggle for your
footing - there'll
be no one to save you
[but 'I told you so'
has a bitter ring,
when you're still
smiling - playing
hide-and-lie with
the latest addiction]
although I knew,
it still hurts to breathe
ii.
& it takes on a whole new meaning
when she's flirting with surgical steel -
leaving me gasping for excuses
(that leave my tongue stained green)
iii.
because she always
knew how to smile-lie
just enough to keep me
content with my eyes
closed and naieve
iv.
When hollow promises become
the glue that holds the fractured
pieces of your flawed fantasy together
I don't know how to
breathe anymore
You've left me naked;
praying to a god I don't believe in;
wishing I had the strength to take back
a million nights & a thousand dry tears
v.
So with songs that told it all
on repeat, I tried to find a new
way to bleed - stuck between
subtle meanings & screaming hatreds
(like there was a difference anymore)
vi.
& really I just wished
you realised I can't get you
out from under my skin -
and you're poisoning me
Author notes
it hurts to hear her voice
but a part of me still misses the pain
(written on my wall because it made it seem just a little bit more permanent -
even though we both know it never was anything more than circumstance and addiction).
Contest holder; sorry it's so long, I know I don't like reading sagas
A contest entry
- BLOOD STAINED TEARS (SUICIDAL LOVE) by Candy Morphine.
300 points, ended June 11, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty would be lovely
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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i didn't like the way you phrased the first two stanzas... the seemed a little off tempo from the rest of the piece, but maybe i'm just crazy
you still shame my writings
overall an amazing piece! you definitely have some talent!
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Thank you for your honesty
It's always lovely to see someone who understands constructive criticism, and great to see where I need to improve.
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well there's not much to improve on... but thank you
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Shit
That was amzing girl!! I loved it it was just gripping. They do know how to choose their finalists dont they? It was very compelling Im glad to be competeing with you and the others. Mine is Loves Test. I really hope you win something more than honorable mention for this, -
jealousy is a bitter bitch my friend and words spoken through them only taint the self
Let's face it though ... if it wasn't for those smile-lies, you would've been just as naive today still
tinged with so much hurt ... (why can't I just give you the biggest hug and sloppiest kiss ever right now?!)
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Wasn't sure about 'still hurts to breathe' - just seems a little cliche, but I guess hurting and excess emotions always is and seems none the less avoidable.
I loved the ending -alot-, perhaps in the relation to song and the actual comparison on people we love being under our skin [a good thing?] & I have always found it quite disgusting to imagine someone ther [whether literal or metaphorically].
You do it well, this thing - called pain. It's not overly cliche and it's such stark and beautiful phrasing that you just get lost in you.
If I make sense.. well either way, you got me.. *sings* Under your skin...
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Oh this thing is full of cliche's and horrible descriptions.
But I do love your praise anyway, especially when it's so poetic in and of itself.
I miss your writing though... you should write more
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I try.
I guess not writing so much is good. It means I like my writes when I do post them. But.. you should also write more
..so don't give me that.
p.s I am buying that book soon - Sandy Jeffs 'Blood Relations'
Just have to order it in.
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I write lots, but most of it is so horrible I throw it in the bin. It seems I've lots my talent. >.<
It's really good. Not so good in one or two bits but overall it's great
*ordered two books today*
OH! If you know of any books written like Blood Relations could you tell me? I love that story/poem format but they're really hard to find without being lovey-dovey. -
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Only one I have ever read like that was called Jinx - but I read that when I was in yr 8, so probably not good - I can't remember.
I doubt you have, I still adore everything I read of yours - from what I recall So don't ever stop
I don't have the money lately lol. Plus I have a big pile of books I already have to read. So one should be enough for now - by the end of them, I can afford another
I just trust you with books.. I don't trust many people with what I read but I have liked what I read that you have recommended so far.. so don't stop them coming - Recommendations that is
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Oh I've been buying most of my books from the little second hand book store down the road from work (dangerous).
Good to know you've liked the books I've recommended
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Dangerous work or bookstore
I need to visit one of those.
Bookstore not work
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both
more so work
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WOW! I'd somewhat forgotten how well you write cause its been so long since I've not used this site in quite awhile but dayum! You are awesome.
& it takes on a whole new meaning
when she's flirting with surgical steel -
leaving me gasping for excuses
That line is brilliant as was the whole poem but that line just grabbed me hard. I was kinda looking at the scars on my arms as I read it and felt regret. I never feel regret or remorse over anything I read but you got me. I LOVE YOU.
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dont be stupid...i enjoyed every second of reading this!!! if anything i wish there was more to read.
this is absolutly superb!!
the way it flowed kept me in suspense and never let my attention stray.
this is so beautifully written!!!
you put my writting to complete shame.
i tried to pick a favourite line/s but i honestly couldnt decide.
this is excellent.
well done and all the best for the contest
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I think this is brilliant, fantastic imagery and just the way you put things... I love it !
Bravo
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Really amazing. Wow.
I wuves it.
:r
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