Sat,
starkly awaiting inevitability,
smooth caste iron surrounds
cold comfort.
Dressed,
perhaps undressed, sprinkled liberally,
green fragrances of parsley,thyme.
Inferno,
crisping edges, succulent juices pour
through rivulets of red.
Bed awaits, smooth orange carrots,
baby onions, tantalizing senses,
awakening taste buds.
Crisp skin hides pure white flesh,
preordained
sacrificial offering, eaten by all.
Author notes
POW.
Subject: Satirical look at sunday lunch.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended May 27, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Congratulations on winning the silver trophy!
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Well-done!
Congrats. on the Silver, almost Gold!
Great entry! -
Congrats on the silver!
Here are my individual scores:
Poultry in Motion
by cutiepie
Title 10
Flow 9.8
Depth/Feelings 8.5
Theme 10
Imagery 9.85
Grammar 9.8
Presentation/Form 9.85
Originality 10
Lasting Impression 9.85
Rules 9.9
Total: 97.55
Have a great week, and hope to see you in the POM!
~J.
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Well done on Silver, Ros
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Welcome back! and didn't you come back with everything pointed out last time sharpened to the T.
Just a fantastic entry...as far as I have seen, this is the biggest gold contender. Your attention to the rules and coming in with a fresh and uncommon theme is a high score... and of course your great wording and flow make this unique write a joy to read.
There is NO WAY I would see this title and NOT click it to read...Excellent! And that ONE word that got past you? Me too...I swear I read this three times looking to see where in the world Islekine found it! I hate when that happens...and when I enter...it ALWAYS happens...I have to come back a few times and re-read...its amazing how something can be invisible and then all of a sudden its there GLARING at you....as I am sure this is now that you know of it and cant edit! lol.
Great job! and good luck!
Jamie
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It’s so good to see you back in a PO contest, and with an absolutely delightful entry. I loved everything from beginning to end, so really don’t know what I could critique or even say at this point; and especially being the last of so many judges, which has its pitfalls, I guess.
Your title is nothing short of brilliant, and made me anxious to see what the poem would be about. Other areas I looked at will be revealed in the final notes of the contest.
I’m sorry about the short comment, but you can definitely take it as a compliment that I can’t find more to say!
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
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Thank you for your delightful comments. It is my muse that comes into the fore with these contests...she seems to rise to the challengeThats presuming she reads the rules correctly Many thanks once again
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I will say, this had me laughing, and it takes a lot for me to do that, so whatever, you win on that aspect.
My first thought was how you presented this...Stark, dry humor...
Your use of the word "perhaps" pleases me,
it seems to have been used properly, which is rare.
The first 3 stanzas started off with one word, stanza 4 and 5 held sentences...an interruption of flow, at least for me.
Good Luck in judging, thank you for the smile
Title: 10
Theme: 10
Flow: 9
Impact: 10
Rules: 10
Creativity: 10
Big Bang Moment:9.7
Grammar: 9
Quality: 10
Poignancy:9.75(the last line doesn't really wrap it up)
97.45 Final Score
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Stark, dry...perhaps I aim for succulent, full of flavour, a joy to behold but I am open to new receipes
I am delighted that I made you smile, as to be able to draw emotions from a poem, is indeed praise indeed. Many thanks for your comments, as always, very much appreciated
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Hi cutie :)
When you want to win, you really bring out the Themes to win with!
I hope every entrant gets to read this, so they will know what ORIGINAL themes means :)
I can not critique this, as you have nothing to critique :)
Well, yes there are some Smallllll things which I could suggest, but you have done so well by yourself, I would hate to ruin a good supper!
I have to agree with your other Judges....KEY THEME to capture me, keep me and not let go until the end....standing ovation in southern CA!
Your Title is the bomb, and the Lasting Impression is fabulous!
As I said.....nothing more to critique here :)
Good luck to you and God bless!
Stay safe tomorrow and best of luck!
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 9.95
Depth 9.7
Theme 10
Feelings 8.35
Grammar 9.75....simple, yet affective -
Presentation 9.9
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.85
Ability to follow Rules 10....not taking off for that one filler....as islekine said, not even needed :)
Bears Score: 97.5
Great job cuite :)
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Thank you Mr. Bear for your kindness Glad you enjoyed this morsel
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Oh, my! Laughing out loud at your title..which is wonderful! And your theme is
DIFFERENT!! You've put the required items in the AN, and only used one of the banned words (twice)...Good Start!
I feel sorry for the poor bird..but your descriptive phrases are humorous and on point.
Not too much to find fault with from my POV.
My scores will appear in the final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
*No editing once a judge has commented. -
Loved the originality! Great title and theme (loved your play of words in the title). Nice, neat presentation and great job in following the rules. Much enjoyed this!!
I think my only critique on this would be - I wish it'd been a bit longer...lol
Great entry.
Nice to see your talents. Best wishes in the contest.
*Remember - no editing once a judge has commented. -
Aloha! And thanks so much for a
delightful entry! I had to go right away...the title is a ten plus...lol...and the poem is GREAT!
Now don't cry....but one of those pesky words snuck in on you! "of"...and you didn't even need it!
I don't think it matters.....I loved this!!!
Best wishes in the contest.
Write on!
*PEACE*
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented. -
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Thank you for your comments, on the ball as ever Yes, I have spotted a couple of errors but will rectify after judging Many thanks
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Yum!
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Share a wing
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really cool! full of wonderful imagery! good luck and take care
Kathryn -
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Thank you Katheryn
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Unusual and quite delightful.
I can taste that meat and skin.
A few suggestions:
You use the word smooth twice. I don't think you need the comma after preordained. I would use "rivulets of red"
Maybe "heavy iron" since iron cookware is very heavy or "cast iron", or "stainless steel" for alliterative purposes.
I really like this clever poem. Guess who's coming for dinner?
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Thank you so much for your helpful comments, as always very much appreciated
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Damn gal
your killing me now. I can smeel that damn bird. lol Delicious write. And I am on a diet. Thanks I needed that
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Lol...well there is always the "wishbone"
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MMMMM!!!!! Can I come to your house for lunch tomorrow, Ros
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Yep, most welcome
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A good poem of occasional happening
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Only occasional?....lol
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Sunday Dinner
Fried Chicken we do not eat much meat but I like chicken
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