betwixt our skin
lies a space
where only a sliver of hair
or sweat can tell us apart
when we both awaken
origami doves are set free
small sounds of parched words
placate the sun
& we unfold
together
Author notes
prompt: dawn
for you Darin x
In a list
A contest entry
- favourite things PIF by Nicolette.
1200 points, ended June 1, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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congrats to you on the silver, Gill...I am imagining what your three fave things are and I am sure one of those is Darin!...lol
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Liked the closeness you shared - and the waking to origami doves and pacifying the sun with small sounds as you both unfold!
Marlene -
"where only a sliver of hair
or sweat can tell us apart"
I love this poem...and that ending...sigh!!!
Beautiful imagery of waking up with your lover, Gill
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Absolutely gorgeous Gill.
Good luck in the contest.
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this is my birthday poem
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well there ya go!!! what a hoot... i missed it, which we means consolation gin ....
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How beautiful! Short but so sweet.
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Of course i understand this, of course i love what this is about, and of course i love the way you write love, gilly...
Loved the sounds here, the alliteration of the "s"-sounds... small, soft, soothing... soothing away the darkness, a slow segue into light. Beautiful poetry - life, love unfolding here upon this page...an origami dove lifts its head here and fly, free.....gentle and peaceful. Loved this one.
~ Nicolette
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The first stanza was my favorite bit. The words are chosen for their smooth sound and the use of "sliver" was a neat choice. The use of origami imagery was strong and I like how it plays out at the end , with the unfolding. This all sounds very delicate and full of hope. He has really made your poetry beautiful Gilly.
;
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a double sigh. I love that you can be totally and completely romantic without being sugary sweet ick. This love in your life has made your poetry even more special. Love, Lane
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This sounds like a day with much to contemplate in it, but the sigh is still definitely there...hoping both of you are still sighing to each other...will use the tissue to clean up the mess Sighhhhhhhhhhhh
Love, C
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just one of those days yesterday, it's all fine luv..lolol
sigh
yes..
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