I clench those ribs that still hold breath
and I know it will be cold
but I want to shiver on the rocks
or ant towards that one
seen in nudge for pregnancy
not just foraging forward,
oh the inversion angle
to think of birth fitness
trot back;
I got rewarded in one day
to continue, not turn to tin
slide
excitement to give this
had to tractor it twice
from strange upside down,
breech just take another step
and don't give up on bio mode
of works
a mailbox hand
shaken with support
of cards I want to send
not only from inspiration song
no advertisement, my spoon dips
brother in law to think of grave
rather than revival of nature
for you with cucumbers drenched
in field of bowl
and voila slurp bread
not stiffly or spoiled at all
from porcelain slice
of far infra red stones
and clay soil essentialness
more than laying on
but a welding seller
may say don't pulse
that wire as pediatrician paces
expertise for children
over six months to supposed
supp or break of solid foods
when digestive track is not pretty
but crying baby then
yet boulder shoulder is not for burp
opposite expectations
not a mess as peasant dress
is more realistic than culture
okay like yesterday's news
instead of future kite string
unlocked to arrow allow
as I watch the clouds with trees of breasts
not to be tangled in elasticity tautness
Author notes
good luck is a low climax; Isaiah 65:11
please comment without emoticons or applause symbol, sillines
though plant/animal types aren't too much
A contest entry
- RAW by Cat.
800 points, ended June 7, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
life blood not having to be crude but figuring ways
Comments
-
see here's the thing-
you hand someone a fairly poor poem
and then you offer
up this weird directive not to applause or use emoticons- when all they
are doing is trying to find the words to say that this poem needs so much work to even begin to be fit for this contest-
you want to call the community symbolism here silliness and sort of slap everyone in the face - after you offer up lines like "may say don't pulse
that wire as pediatrician paces"
sorry-
m -
-
straight pointed
m I wasn't trying be be mean but not wanting sunface strangeness etcetera for expression
but thanks for your opinion, how I might even freak one out as icon with a stanza... but it was sincere reflection from the flesh --
I apologize this didn't get along with your outlook,
babies are my subject
-
-
Nice write. Definitely raw. I really liked the first few lines
"I clench those ribs that still hold breath
and I know it will be cold
but I want to shiver on the rocks"
Really good! thanks for sharing. -
-
delightful to know a little
triste elle thanks for sympathetic reading
I appreciate the feedback, I was hoping it would be unprocessed but have personality. those starting lines started it for me too!
I look forward to returning favor,
babies are my subject
-
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