Monday, I steadied your gait.
Commode seat too high to reach;
we summoned help.
Winded, wheeled bedside,
you surrendered.
Kind nurses settled you into bed;
connected oxygen, inserted catheter.
Brightly smocked women
tended to your needs;
will usher you gently home.
I ran errands as you slept.
Bought ice cream and pudding,
fashioned homemade johnnies
from favorite nightgowns,
gathered framed photographs,
small quilt for cozy room.
Showed old photos,
you smiled weakly
gingerly licked a Popsicle;
fell asleep.
Family by your side,
squeezed your hand.
My brother cried.
I sat sentry with remote;
television glowed.
Discovered my chair
rose and reclined
with touch of button.
I rode new distraction.
You woke, glanced my way;
rolled your eyes.
Granddaughter smiled;
shared joke at my expense.
Your gesture
her treasure, not mine.
If I had known what Tuesday held,
I would have pressed your hand in mine,
attended every move or whispered word,
embraced your known goodbye.
Tuesday morning brought silence.
Each labored breath
focused on dying.
We wept, kept bedside vigil.
By three pm you were gone.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended May 27, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get The Gold for a pre-write by Piccola.
300 points, ended June 3, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Our Parents by WhiteAngelCake.
700 points, ended August 18, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stories Untold....................1200 ..POINTS.....PW-OK by Maxboy.
900 points, ended July 24, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Missing by Elvis.
300 points, ended August 10, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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This poem deserved the Gold Cup and then some. Congratulations!
I felt the timid pretense of what happened yesterday that will affect all of your tomorrows. The heart clings to sorrows when we think of what we could have, should have, would have done. This poem took me on an emotional roller coaster ride, to end sitting silently in my seat. Excellent!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Thank you so much!
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Congratulations on the gold, a worthy winner.
A very sad and heartfelt write and I could feel for you.
All the best ... Sue
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Very moving and goes well with the contest.
Thank you for this wonderful entry.
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I need your name and permission to print in your Authors notes before I can comment.
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Sorry! Put the permission and my name in the AN
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That was a really sweet poem. The 7th paragraph thingy was great. Thanks for entering my contest!
-WhiteAngelCake -
This was so touching and heartfelt, it brought tears to my eyes
I am so sorry for your loss. You expressed this so eloquently.
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excellent~
This so sad but so touching as well.....
And I had some tears in my eyes as I read this one
My beloved moms bday is Friday and she is not for me to give a present too...Last year I wrote a poem for her put it up and cried....
Congrats on the trophy for a beautiful heartfelt poem
I just penned a new one drop by when you can
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Do you know, I think that the power of this sad and real poem is in the last two verses. For me they are enough - the rest is fine, don't get me wrong, but almost seems ancillary to the denoument which, for you and your mother was her death. Whatever way you look at this it is a noble poem.
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Thank you!
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Appreciation!
Thank you Joyce for this extremely sad and heartfelt contribution to The Poetic bandit's reading list, congratulations on the bronze trophy
~Lilac
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Oh this is so sad and brings back all my memories of my last days with my dear mother-in-law. We are never ready for that last good bye. I thank God for His great love and the promise of eternal life and reunion with our loved ones. It is what keeps me going.
Be blessed today and always dear friend.
- joanne -
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Wow... this poem has brought tears to my eyes. It is incredible.... I've lost a lot of people in my 19 year old life... and so I can really relate. But the raw emotions and how you wrote this... really touched me. Thats really about all I can say, not any critical critique or anything, I do apologize. Well done
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Thanks, Tim!
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This is such a touching poem... I really like the depth of emotion that you are able to write so eloquently about the concrete imagery is beautifully crafted and makes this poem hit home all the more effectively... well done on the bronze - it was well deserved!
Keep writing
Polly
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We always think we have time with the ones we love but time knows better. I am sorry for your loss. I congratulate on your bronze trophy.
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Ah, Aunt Joyce...
I am glad to see that you got a well-deserved bronze on this wonderful poem, and in the PO contest, none the less!
A powerful write that's lingered with me since I was first blessed to read it.
Love, Zach
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This is an honest look at the difficult time when we are forced to say goodbye to a loved one at the conclusion of their life. Although hospice may help , they cannot take away the pain and regrets. We have to cherish the moments shared and keep our lived ones alive in our memories. Good thoughtful write, thanks for sharing.
Bandits Rock!
Dennis
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you personalized the pain and painted images that let the reader into your heart. I imagine you cried as you wrote your story for us. thank you for entering.
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You told the sad story beautifully, with descriptions that really bring the reader into the room with you. This is an extremely touching piece.
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You have described this situation well - many of us will deal with this as we watch a loved one slowly die, wishing we could keep them here, but knowing it is their time to leave and move on. Congratulations on the bronze for this wonderful poem.
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This was so hauntingly sad. I have known similar situations. Regrets are terrible. I love the title and rhyme. Simply beautiful.
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congratulations!!! This is so very well deserved and then some! Personally, I think you had the best write in this, but I'm not a judge! (don't you wish I were?!?) Hope to see you at the next one, I so appreciate your comments and suggestions. Take care and God bless
Kathryn -
Great job!
Congrats. on the Bronze!!
Well done!! -
Congrats on the bronze! This is one to be very proud of. Here are my individual scores:
What Tuesday Held
by Freed By Mercy
Title 9.95
Flow 9.5
Depth/Feelings 10
Theme 9.5
Imagery 10
Grammar 9.85
Presentation/Form 9.6
Originality 9.5
Lasting Impression 10
Rules 9.8
Total: 97.7
Hope to see you in the POM next week.
~J. -
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Thanks, Trista!
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Thanks, aboomer!
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Congratulatons.i knew you would do well, Ros
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A truly beautiful write. Hard hitting for me on the Impact scale.
This heartfelt gem was a lovely read and the missed words were just that…missed… no ignored rules…just invisible to you is all…we’ve all been there! These rules are tricky and keep you on your toes for sure! I am TRULY hoping to see your talent back next week and I suggest after you enter check back periodically to see if you can catch edits…I’m sure you will!
…but despite small rule slips and a not so unique theme…it packs so much…sets a stage…hits the heart…. With all THAT its easy to overlook the weaker areas.
Great write, a favorite entry for me for sure….
Good luck in the contest!
Jamie
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Thank you Jamie for your thoughtful and heartfelt review.
I did the very best I could with the low impact words. I tend to write this way anyway. A couple of times I saw no way out of it.
I will definitely be editing this write a bit more after the contest. I already know a few things I want to fix.
Thanks again!
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Hi Joyce,
A creative writing teacher once told me that often, it is in the small, sometimes seemingly mundane details, that we as writers will most easily and vividly connect with a reader. I find that to be soooooo true within your poem! Your imagery is outstanding, concrete: Not just “went shopping” but, “Bought ice cream, pudding”. Details such as your mom licking a Popsicle, which I easily relate to being sick, having eaten so many in my lifetime; the story of you playing with the chair, and the moment of shared mirth, and those just to name a few. You will be receiving one of my very rare 10’s for imagery.
I have to disagree with Bear about this lacking power on any level, but that’s why the POs have more than one judge whenever possible, as we all see and experience things differently. I believe there are very few people who won’t connect to this in some way. My boyfriend’s mom is currently, critically ill; many of the thoughts you’ve expressed here are ones I’ve heard from him often in the past week.
I would love to see this walk away with gold this week in honor of your mom’s birthday, not to mention it’s simply an outstanding work and especially moving on Memorial Day. But, I am only one judge, and I don’t even have it on my own scoreboard yet, so we shall see.
Good luck, and thank you so much for sharing this with all of us!
Best wishes,
~J.
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Simply outstanding
theme is common, but who really cares?
just a great nice write all in all
a few simple phrasings,
some of which can be found at the end of your sentences,
so the sentimentality is misaligned by the reader for recognizing cliched sentimenal words...
"photos"
"vigil"
but not enough commoness to deduct too much from ya!!
that's a good thing
Good Luck in judging
Title: 9.8
Theme: 8
Flow: 9.5(reads quite nicely)
Impact: 10
Rules: 10
Creativity: 9.25
Big Bang Moment:10
Grammar: 9.9
Quality: 10
Poignancy:10
96.45 Final Score
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Hi Joyce ~
Wow....where do I begin?
Thank you for sharing this write with us....and thank you for sharing the vividness you saw as well.....you took us all to the room with your Mother, and it was very beautiful and heartfelt to say the least ~
You have captured your Readers from L 1, and that is how you win the hearts of those who read your words ~
I have lost 3 Partners to AIDS, and I never got to say goodbye personally.....so your Theme is what I hold dear ~
Not original as we like here in the PO'Contests, but this has your signature all over it and it is the week we look back and reflect on Memorials.......you have done well my Friend ~
However....being this is the PO' Contest, I have to remind you of some of the Rules which I don't want you falling back into ~
Format should be Poetic, not Free Verse.....yours is soooo close to being All Free verse, but you managed to keep the Tone and that is what counts in Poetry ~
I can not critique much about this write, as you have penned one of the best entries thus far.....not best in line set-up or format, but best in Impact and Lasting Impression ~
The Power is lacking a weee bit, but with a Theme as subtle as this, I can excuse that.....this time :)
You have always brought me something great to read, and I expect no less from you each time you enter......I enjoy your talent I am so glad to see you around again.....you have been missed!
Good luck and may God bless you richly as you remember your Mother on her Birth date ~
Be well and stay safe this Holiday!
Bear ~
Title 9.85
Flow 9.35....tighten your lines -
Depth 9.9
Theme 9.5
Feelings 10...beautiful -
Grammar 9.25
Presentation 8.9....watch your format -
Uncommonness 9.5
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.85
Ability to follow Rules 9.8....a couple of filler words used -
Bears Score: 95.9
Nice job Joyce :)
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Ohh such a sad write! I can so relate to your pain my husbands father passed away this past sept he was like the only father I have ever had too. He battled stage 4 colon cancer for almost 11 months when it finally won we only got to see him on life support when we got their and had to say good bye then it was so hard. I am so sorry for your loss. I will share a quote that my husband came up with several days after his dads passing " You don't have to get used to him being gone, just used to him in another form" he is so right our loved ones will always be here with us. Again I am so sorry for your loss, if you ever need to talk just message me. Theresa
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Hello, and welcome to the PO Contest forum!
You have met most of the rules requirements with ease, all correct info in place, black on white..however, you've used a few of the banned 'filler' words a few times..I counted four. Not a huge deal, and won't count for much in this truly well-executed write.
This poem theme is unique, I believe, because it is so full of personal experience. I'm sure the subject has been written on before, but this write is certainly yours alone.
Your poem grabbed my attention with the first line..and held me in thrall to the end. Big points in your favor for that! There's not a lot of imagery here, it's a straightforward story of grief, loss, regret..and you tell it with a well- balanced mixture of saddness and humor. The list of errands run is so poignant..as if by 'planning ahead' you would avoid the inevitable. This inclusion really moved me. I also think your title fits perfectly to the poem.
IMO, this is one of the best, if not the best, submissions to this contest.
Good luck to you! My scores will appear in final remarks.
*No editing once a judge has commented. -
Emotionally, this hits me hard....having gone through this recently with my father (who passed away), still going through it with my mother (who lingers on, but not so that we can communicate any longer).
Well....with that......great impact, and great message that life is shorter than what we expect. Nice presentation, neatly done. Rules followed. Images good. Only 1 banned word - which I'm not counting.
A strong entry.
Hope to see your talents again.
best wishes in the contest
*Remember - no editing once a judge has commented. -
Aloha and thanks so very much
for sharing this with us!!! This hit me hard...it is
absolutely beautiful!! The imagery is well done...I like the little gesture....between niece...
You missed one of the forbidden
words. There are a few other small things...but all in all a great write...the theme is not as uncommon as is expected....but being memorial day, I think this is a very fitting entry.
Best wishes in the contest.
Write on!
*PEACE*
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented. -
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Thank you. Memorial Day was my Mom's Birthday.
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You said it so well - how everything is so significant after someone is gone. Such an incredibly hard thing to go through. I am sorry for your loss.
What a beautiful write.
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Thank you for your kind comment and clappies.
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So sad and something most of us have to face at sometime in our lives.I am sorry for your pain.a strong and heartfelt poem, Ros
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Thanks for your comment, sympathy and clappies, Ros.
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This is sad
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Thanks for your comment, Sunshine, and your clappies, too.
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You were there and she would have known the love that was in the room. Thats all that matters Good luck in the contest
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Thank you for that comforting thought and the clappies.
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Poignant "your niece received gesture, hers to treasure, not mine." Intensity shines in "If I had known what Tuesday held." The little errands we would have dropped in a heartbeat for a few more minutes in their presence...
Yet if we knew the day, surrounding the loved one with our aching longings for last goodbyes and loving expressions, would we so exhaust their final hours with our needs that they would struggle the more, in their habitual habit of service, to do what was now overwhelming? A lifetime of love and humor shared...I imagine she knew, and trusted you to understand what she became too weak to repeat to a precious and loving daughter. Touching write.
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Thanks so much, hon.
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wow, this is such a moving and emotional piece. You heart shines through. I know it's small comfort, but I'd wager your mama knew what she meant to you. I've been through a similar experience and I know how hard it can be. You have written of it with such raw emotion, you really captured my heart. Good luck and God bless
Kathryn -
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Thanks, Kathryn. We had some time in the hospital to pray, to laugh, etc. She knew. The end just came so quickly. We got her diagnosis one week before she died, if that.
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Wow, Aunt Joyce...
I'm very sorry for your loss... it seems that a lot of people in my life have been losing loved ones. I know, however, that you know this is all part of the Lord's Plan, and that you know your Mother is never truly gone.
Moving on, best of luck in the contest!
-Zach
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Thanks, Zach!
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