Grilling smells, so enticing,
summer's mouthwatering perfume.
Creaky wooden door on an old back porch,
screened in, keeps bugs at bay.
Honeysuckle nearby mixes with magnolias in bloom
while crickets lead a magical nighttime chorus.
We wander back towards childhood comforts.
A lazy hound with mournful eyes keeps watch over
sticky handed children drenched in watermelon essence.
Little boys full of stolen green apples
use mischievous eyes to pester sundress clad lasses.
Their elders recline on squeaky porch swings
relaxing with sweet tea flavored tales from years gone by.
Dinner trots out homemade potato salad,
baked beans, corn on the stalk at sunrise.
All followed by fresh apple pie covered in hand churned ice cream.
Summer nights down south,
past layered upon present,
now molded by then.
Soft, easy, smooth as molasses as it flows.
I go back in my mind, in my heart, once again, I find rest.
Author notes
POW - sights and sounds of southern summer
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended May 27, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Amazing Summer Imagery!!!.....(clicky!) by faithful-star.
600 points, ended June 9, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contentment by z etoile.
300 points, ended July 15, 2008, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want...Show me Your Best Poems..I need inspiration..PW's Welcome! by Hetha.
2100 points, ended August 20, 2008, 159 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ Precious Pearls ( Memories of Childhood ) ~ by everyone1.
525 points, ended September 2, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HOME by second-born.
1200 points, ended August 13, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Very charming write reminds me of my own youth. Good luck in the contest and happy trails
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This is the 2nd work of yours I have read. Lots of talent in that pen of yours. You are so descriptive. I can see everything, smell everything, hear everything. Even the screen door as it squeaks! wow. Nice job. Thank you for the entry.
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This piece was well penned it described a beautiful picture of relaxation and just pure enjoyment. Thank you for entering my contest.
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This piece was well penned it described a beautiful picture of relaxation and just pure enjoyment. Thank you for entering my contest.
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This is such a soothing and comforting write. All that talk of that wonderful southern cooking makes my mouth water.
This write is so refreshing, and I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for sharing it and for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty 
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Just a few editorials for you:
- lines 9, 11, 13, & 16. Might consider hyphenating "sticky-handed", "sundress-clad", "sweet tea-flavored" or "sweet-tea-flavored", & "hand-churned".
- line 11. Misspelled word: "mischievious" -> "mischievous"
That's all I have for now. I will comment further when judging the contest. Thank you for your entry -
After reading this, I do have to say that your use of imagery was done very well! I could almost imagine myself smelling the BBQs, seeing the flowers in bloom, and hearing the crickets chirp. Very nicely done! Best of luck and thanks for entering!
~Faithful-Star -
To keep bugs at bay or away with the screened in porch? What does little boys have to do with sundresses? Are the tugging at them or wiping their hands on them or what? Over all though I did like this. All the food sounded amazingly good right now. I do wish you contineue to write. I wish you the best of luck in this contest.
Blood Princess -
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Yes, screened in porches are to keep the bugs at bay. If you read closely you will see the little boys are pestering "sundress clad lasses". Lasses are little girls and being clad in sundresses means they are wearing them. I hope this clears up any confusion. Thanks
Kathryn
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So many of these summer poems are making me hungry. Wonderful images and senses that are being presented.
Lots of detail and sweet feelings.
this is like my favorite summer poem
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This is such an awesome poem. I especially liked the part about the apple pie w/fresh churned ice cream on top. that sounds so good to me right now. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Congrats on winning an honorable mention, worth at least a bronze in any other contest. You have to earn the greenies from Bear and company; they don't get passed out like candy or free newspapers.
Enjoyed "talking" to you! -
Nice job!
Well done!!!
Congrats! -
Congrats on your HM! Here are my scores:
The Essence of Summer
by Kathryn Bowden
Title 8.4
Flow 8.8
Depth/Feelings 9.75
Theme 9.2
Imagery 9.95
Grammar 9.3
Presentation/Form 9
Originality 9
Lasting Impression 9.75
Rules 9.9
Total: 93.05
And, something I forgot to mention in my earlier review: I think your last line would benefit from being split up and slowed down a wee bit with a semi-colon after "heart", maybe a line break there as well. Just a thought!
Looking forward to seeing more of your work.
~J. -
summer's mouthwatering perfume.
beautifully yummy.
I got to see, smell and hear while I read this...your imagery was fantastic. I truly did enjoy the read...
Seriously, the other judges have given quite detailed advice and critiques…very hard for me to give anything else except to say how I personally enjoyed it. The flow was a little off and despite your obvious attempt to keep them out you did end up with a couple of the banned words…but I KNOW what that’s all about…its like they become invisible
When I enter these contests I find myself doing A LOT of editing!
For me, your opening seemed stronger than the ending…but all in all this was a great write…. and I would love to see what you may come back with after your scores… and you see the areas that are lacking here, such as theme. Great job and I hope to see you back again! Good luck!
Jamie
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Line six might have read better without the first word, and with a comma at the end...
this flow issue is bothering me a lot today,
not just here, but in most of the other ones I have read today...
Well anyhow,
hello,
and thank you for taking the time to join us...
A fine summertime/holiday write,
good enough for me to want to break out the citronella and grill a chicken
Dinner trots out homemade potato salad
is a good example of an awesome line
I don't really care for your opening however, it sounds like "grilling" smells...stinks...whatever
lol
mine probably does, anyways....
I cannot really critique too much else here, good luck to you
Title: 9
Theme: 9
Flow: 8
Impact: 9.8
Rules: 9.9
Creativity: 10
Big Bang Moment:9.8
Grammar: 9.45
Quality: 8
Poignancy:10
92.95 Final Score
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Hi Kathryn,
Great to see you again!
It’s tough coming along after 4 other judges to find much new to say. However...I do have some suggestions no one else managed to mention first.
The awkwardness that was mentioned about the line, “Little boys full with stolen green apples” could be easily enough fixed AFTER the contest has been judged by replacing “with” with “of”. Ya know...there are times when some of those filler words really are necessary, and I believe this is one of them. Other ideas like those Neon suggested, “gorging on” for example, would work too though.
Maybe consider adding “are” to the beginning of L2? Also, comma after “bloom” in L5.
“Dinner trots out homemade potato salad,
baked beans, corn on the stalk at sunrise.”
Maybe it’s just me and I’m missing something, but “sunrise” confused me after talk of “dinner”. And...here, we would call it “corn on the cob”, so I’m guessing that’s a matter of geography? (I looked at your author page to see where you’re from.)
S2 refers to both a dog’s and boys’ eyes. I liked Freed by Mercy’s suggestion of “peek impishly” to make it less repetitive, otherwise it seems to me there’s just a bit too much emphasis put on the detail of eyes. Just MO.
Lines 8 to 13 (but 10-12 especially) have a lot of “s” sounds. Silently it reads pretty good, but when I read this out loud it became a bit of a tongue twister. I always read PO entries, my own poetry, and many others, out loud as well as to myself, as it helps me spot flow issues. Just something to keep in mind for future writes; it may or may not be useful to you also, if you don’t already read your work out loud
The long lines were mentioned a time or two already...I think once the contest is over, you might want to take a look at your line breaks, shorten some of the longer ones. You won’t have a line limit to worry about then, so you’d be able to space this for better flow and poetic format.
Okay, despite all that, the things I’ve mentioned really only affect a couple of areas I score in. Things like imagery and lasting impression will score very well. The theme and title aren’t the most original, but this is still one of the best entries I’ve read so far in this PO. Nice job, and thanks so much for joining us again. I hope to see you in the next PO, which will be a POM if I’m not mistaken.
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
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I think that "corn on the stalk at sunrise" refers to how fresh the corn was, just picked.
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Yeah...we got that straightened out in the wee hours of the morning. A little bit of a clarity issue for me, but it does look/read much better after a few hours of sleep.
TY!
~J.
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Nice review Julie ~
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Hi there :)
Corn on *THE* stalk ~...Oops! :)
For some reason, I can not find the filler word *and* which Neon stated you included....I believe she was referring to *an*....maybe, maybe not ~
*hand-churned*
OK....for your review.>>>
I find this is not in Poetic Format, yet reads as beautiful as any poem I have ever read ~
What I mean by that, is your format is suggestive thinking and tends to belong in the Free Verse areana ~
However, it is so border-line, I am not going to deduct but a half point for this.....the reason being, you have managed to write a Free Verse with no Filler Words....and to me, that is incredible penning ~
The Imagery is superb, which make for great lasting Impresssion ~
Your balance between Show & Tell is so nice ~
The length of your lines and stanzas are another indicaction of your Format being Free Verse.....but enough about that already :)
I think you have a solid entru with a splendid Tone to enhance feelings and emotions......your Power is lacking, but not much, as even a soft Tone can be pumped into Power with gentle gramatical choices :)
Well done and it is so nice to see you back after the POD!
Good luck and God bless you!
Be well and stay asafe this Hopilday!
Bear ~
Title 8.5...a tad cliche', but brings the Reader in with advance warning of Theme -
Flow 7.85...long lines tend to slow me down -
Depth 9.9
Theme 9.5
Feelings 9.85
Grammar 9.65
Presentation 8.9...lies could use some tightening up -
Uncommonness 9.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.55
Ability to follow Rules 9.9
Bears Score: 92.6
Very nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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You've thought of some great summer detail. As always, I am drawn to the food, even on the screen!
Nice to find rest in the past. It does seem to have that effect.
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Hi and Welcome to the POW Contest! Good to have you here if you are new, and good to see you again, if you are not!
Let me say first, your theme is not unique, and that will cost some points, along with a couple of uses of the banned "filler" words 'and' and 'the'.
Although it's been done a lot, I enjoyed your interpretation of the 'scenes of summer' feeling. Nice images and good use of language. I loved 'sticky handed children drenched in watermelon essence', and 'sweet tea flavored tales' to name a couple. One line that sort of 'hiccuped' was the "Little boys full with stolen apples"..I think this would read better if 'full' was replaced with something like 'gorged', or 'stuffed'..just my opinion, though. In any other contest, you would probably be 'home free', but PO's are looking for that stretch..that one step further..that makes a write stand out from all the rest. Your poem is like your closing..soft, smooth, easy..and by that very description, it loses impact.
All in all, a delightful read, and I enjoyed reading it. Best to you in the contest. My scores will appear in final remarks.
*No editing once a judge has commented -
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Hi! thanks for your comments. I have one question. You mention there was a couple of uses of "and" and "the". I can only find the word "the" one time and I'm not seeing any others. Am I missing something? I've looked this over so many times I may just not be seeing it anymore so if you could point them out to me I would appreciate it! Thanks
Kathryn -
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I only have 1 on my score-sheet; but by the time I read each entry a minimum of 8-10 times and jot notes and adjust, my eyes are blurred...lol....
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Great images! Wonderful descriptions that I really enjoyed.
Title I felt could be stronger - just too much of a 'common' feel for me for such a lovely write.
Nice presentation and good job on following the rules - only 1 banned word snuck in for all the goodies..lol.
Flow for me wasn't bad - I would have liked shorter lines, and some of this spaced out a little more....would have flowed much nicer IMHO.
All in all, lovely write that I enjoyed.
Hope to see your talents return. Best wishes in the contest.
*Remember - no editing once a judge has commented. -
Aloha!
What a wonderful image you gave us! And some of the lines...flowed and showed me magic...
"A lazy hound with mournful eyes keeps watch over
sticky handed children drenched in watermelon essence."
But then the next line...I stumbled over every time..
It just may be me...which is why we have so many judges....we all react and read things differently...
full with...maybe a comma? full, with Anyway..it's too late now!
LOL...I sincerely hope we see you and your talents again.....From what I have read so far, this is a top scorer.....It needs some punctuation in places to keep the flow going...the imagery and creativity are great!
I was enjoying your "southern nights"....
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on!
*PEACE*
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your poem.
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What a wonderful memory that stirs my own... Such a relaxed and soft write... like slipping into your old slippers that no one can appreciate like you (LOL) but everyone can identify with. This is gold.
Ken
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I can smell the soft cream of the magnolias...warm nights,soft sounds. Good luck in the contest
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Wonderful and delicious images abound! Makes me yearn for my southern childhood, even though I didn't have one.
you need a space before pestering, which I think can be pester.
Another suggestion "peek impishly" or "peek with impish eyes" instead of "using mischievous eyes".
Superb write!
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