I stand on the sands of oblivion
writing with my blue exotic snake
while looking at the inferno night sky,
watching the retreating light
run away from me and my world
I ponder on such thoughts as
truth and its essence,
"reality is just a perception"
therefore right and wrong
cannot possibly exist
and any way of living is
as acceptable as any other,
or perhaps
"reality is true to the individual"
creating resolve from within
from the only real truth known,
I exist.
The purple sun rises from behind
creating chaotic figures
overlapping each other
and holding each other hand in hand
on a purple hazed background,
the shadows question each other
as how can they truly know
the other's real face.
Enraged flies harass my head
following me as I run across
endless desert while fiery
night sky set's out of reach.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3971969
A contest entry
- Prewrites But NO "fresh" writes by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 77 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything (sort of) by Puking Faerie Dust.
750 points, ended June 7, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Truth by Pisces rainbow.
1200 points, ended June 22, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poem to Put on wall, pretty much anything. see rules! prewrites = :) by Midgetbridgey.
300 points, ended July 11, 2008, 38 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I really enjoyed reading this. The imagery is just fantastic. I really enjoy writes that make you think and have some philosophy in them. Great job and thanks for entering.
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No wonder you got so many wins with this poem. It's so deep, I'm speechless. I love it.
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This is really good, and has a lot of truth to it!
I really really like it!
Thanks for entering and good luck!
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deeply profound write,
truth?
I agree with quite a bit of your write,
reality is true to the individual,
very creative the way you created your truth,
on a purple hazed background.
great imagery
whimsical write
thank you for your lovely entry
God bless...
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Koodles this is a wonderful and intresting poem. Good luck in the contest!!
Blessed be
Mystic -
filled with vivid imagery but I'm afraid it goes over the 24 line limit. thank you for entering.
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Wow creatively written acid trip. Kind of ironic that I'm reading this now because I just finished watching Across the Universe and they were having just as wacky trips.
really nice details and surreal imagery
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Ah, I really liked this. It's not often you see people writing about a trip. Of course, a lot of people don't understand. Very nice description and visuals, I enjoyed the imagery of it very much. Unique and original. Thank you very much for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
Ok, I'm probably not making any friends here, but this is all I can glean from this:
'watching the retreating light
run from me and my world
I ponder truth and its essence,
from the only real truth known~
I exist.'
and that to me is very good.
The rest just muddies up things for me. Especially the first 3 lines and the last 4 lines...exotic blue snake?enraged flies? I'm sorry but I don't get it.
Thanks for entering.
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Clearly what your not getting is the person in the poem is high, hes tripping balls but in a metaphorical way.
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Beautifully abstract, peculiar and deep and insightful in the way only abstract art can. Punctuate it chummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmp and best of luck in them contests!!!
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Not bad ...
but you did not read the rules. I said only enter if the poem is punctuated. I have over 50 entries so far, and a poem which is not punctuated has zero chance of winning anything. I hope this will be punctuated before the end of the contest. -
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also could you expand on "not bad", since nearly everyone on this site says every poem is amazing, to say not bad is very worrying. What do you dislike about it?
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;)
Oops. One more. In the title, it's "oblivion's". I missed it before. Guess I was too tired. -
It's not a bad poem.
You obviously didn't do much rereading on it since you said run across the dessert (which is food, mostly sweet, served after meals). I assume you meant "desert" which is a dry, arid open land where very little grows. I also assume you meant "purple sun", since a purple son would be a purple boy. From the gist of this, I assume you weren't talking about purple boys. Also, here:
the others true face. (the other's true face) is a possessive
You'll find that if I say your poem isn't bad, it means a lot more than when those others say, "wonderful, fabulous" and so on, as they say it to everybody indiscriminately.
So, I reiterate, this isn't bad. If it were punctuated, it would be better, of course, but it's not a bad job. Some would call it science fiction, and some fantasy, but whichever you call it, you've done a fairly credible job with it.
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I would just like to point out that, while your critique is well placed, just because people are constantly overwhelmed by talent doesnt mean they judge everyone on the same scale and churn out pretty words. Personally, I judge everyone on a scale that relates to them, and will rate them based on that. I see beauty in almost every poem because poetry is unique, and it is not difficult for me to connect poetically, or admire a well written poem. You may also find that there are thousands of brilliant poems. As with a handful of the other kind commenters on here, I will offer critique to a poem that needs it, and optimism to one that deserves it. You don't need to generalis; it's rude.
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I tell people the truth.
If you don't, that's your prerogative. It's rude to make stupid comments. Now go away. It's my contest, not yours. I don't need any input from you.
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LOL!!!! wow my mistakes were damn funny, thanks for pointing them out xD
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I have to say, the philosophy is fantastic. My kind of philosophy.
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1 - 19 of 19
