Time consumes us
in ravenous bites
we three square tastes
walk before the lance
and dare not pause the way,
light of day touches open eyes
darkness enfolds falling shadows.
Yet we find meaning
in still moments that gather us,
and fill a chalice within
become libations
poured lavishly upon thirsty ground
and prayers, for what came before
and that which might yet be;
a presence on rolling winds,
a thought that shepherds other thoughts.
In a list
A contest entry
- a sacred garment... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended May 24, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wonderful, Certainly a Winner
While this poem is very deep, I agree with our host: it taps upon the garment our body is and will be until it is replaced. It's not so much the scars we bear from cuts and scrapes or sins to which we gave in; no, it is more what we do with those things: whine, or glorify God.
This is beautifully written and so deserving of the Bronze trophy: CONGRATULATIONS!
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ
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Thank you for you commnet on Libations... such a thoughtful prompt idea...I agree with you,I too think there is something to the idea that life has a useful comparison to garments and something more fundamental within us...thank you so much...PK
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oh congratulations on this full and round and fleshed out poem...nicely penned!!!
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I think this poem is great. Great wording. I feel its a little too mature for me. But thats okay, because its your poem, and your mature enough to get this stuff! Lol. Great poem!
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will try harder next time always most important to get the ideas across better...thanks for reading and your comment...PK
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Yes..there is a focused impression of the prompt on the words and on the thoughts of this wonderful write..thank you so much for sharing it..
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Two absolutely stellar phrases here:
" still moments that gather us"
and
" a thought that shepherds other thoughts"
Those two are each pure poetry that speak such tremendous depths to me and to others i'm sure. Gosh, I just love 'em. Those will stick!
This is a wonderful bit of expression here. The idea of us being three square for time . . . ouch. And that picture of the lance! Double ouch. I just pictured this ghost like creature (time) about ready to stab me with his knife and pick me right up off the plate with it! Fe fi fo fum. Just an excellent image. Luckily, as you say, we can keep on walking and dont necessarily have to find ourselves plated all the time.
I like the turn that i find in the second half of the poem, the pouring out, the offering. It provides a sort of counterpoint, a change in outlook, perspective, at least as I read it. . . so that we, by choice empty ourselves in an attitude of gratitude . . . a worthy shepherd of other thoughts.
Just marvelous poetry, my friend.
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Thanks Ten-
i changed that last line twice before leaving it alone, sometimes just gotta go with an instinct...Thanks so much for reading and a most thoughtful and kind comment...PK
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Magnificent! My favorite lines, "in still moments that gather us" and the last two stanzas... such a wonderful spiritual depth.
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Thank you Mallie-
for reading and your wonderful comment, i changed those lines a few times before leaving them alone... thanks a lot...PK
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Thoughts on libations! To walk ahead into the unkown, knowing for certain that it is our future or to take a step back in time...what was done was done! A presence in the rolling winds...Speaks volumes all by itself! Wow...~Sie
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Thank you Sie-
for reading and your thoughtful comment; was such a thoughtful contest theme, gave us a lot to write about here...thank you...PK
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