Life has flown with the dawn that I last saw
It was beautiful, short while it lastes
I've thought so much, seen so little
I am flled with a deep regret
that I never told you
all that I know.
Love. What is it really?
I thought things, but I fear to say them
because you might give up
and fall down
And suffer from a broken heart.
So all I wondered
hoped and dreamed
I will carry with me to the ground
for even a corpse may feel a broken heart
and listen to the tears that splash gently on the dirt.
I can't live when you cry
though I won't have to
still
I need to keep you in darker places than I am
so I say
don't be sad
you were my friend.
A contest entry
- "If tomorrow never comes" by TwilightAngel026.
525 points, ended June 7, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Gentle, and reflective. A little confusing, with a few small typos.
I don't quite understand how the line "I need to keep you in darker places than I am" connects with the rest of the poem. The rest seems sweet and like you wanted them to not mourn so much. The flow started great, and grabbed me right away, but lost me a bit towards the end.
Thanks for your entry!
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ya, that was it. I didn't want them to feel like they missed something by explaining to them that I loved them. "I need to keep you in darker places than I am" refers to keeping them in the dark, so to speak, about the love I had for them so that they won't miss me quite so much as if I was a lover.
I'm quite new to this and just trying to figure stuff out. But poetry is a sweet release and a part of me, and I'll take all the help I can get
Thank you! -
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Your welcome. Like I said, this is my first contest, and it takes a little concentration. I'm still trying to figure this out too. Thanks for your patience, and being willing to explain. It makes alot more sence now. Thanks for clarifying!
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your quite welcome, and this being your first contest, I think you're doing great.
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Thanks. I'm trying to make sure I comment everyone, and also try to be honest. All the entries so far have been pretty good. It's gonna be hard to choose.
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again np. I just kinda got into my groove as well. I think I'll try my hana t a contest soon.
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