Its always your smile
or its always your eyes.
its always your laugh
that makes me want to cry
i want to cry
because i know well never be
when you look me in the eyes
you dont really see
all you see is a girl
who need someone to hold
but you dont know its you
unless someone told
if you were told
then who let you know
was it that obvious
did i let it show
if you know
then listen to what i say
ill always want you
every single day
A contest entry
- For everyone who has not yet won any trophy by LittleAnn.
600 points, ended June 12, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything goes!! by ShaddowsDarkened.
430 points, ended June 30, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Absolutely Anything (No Adult Themes) by DawnKestrel.
550 points, ended June 3, 2008, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything & prewrites!, as short, long, freewritten or rhyming as you wanna be! by wendymolly.
690 points, ended June 14, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #95 For all the children on AP by daviscth.
300 points, ended June 27, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If anyone has any recomendations please let me know.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is the sweetest love poem. I just love the simplicity of it. And the imagery is sweet and enduring. Thanks for your entry.
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so much truth in so few words, much wisdom of the ages went into this one!
your a finalist!
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First of all, thank you for entering my contest and sorry it took me so long to get to your entry!
This is an interesting poem, but I think you concentrated too much on the rhyming... This would probably sound more natural if you changed some small things... Actually, I think only the third stanza need to be improved a little bit...
"unless someone told" doesn't work well with the rest of the poem.
But other than that, well done.
Thanks again and keep on writing!
Annie
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Great job!
Good luck in my contest!
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Welcome to AllPoetry
Hello there!
A sweet write that with a little tweaking, could be very unique. I would go over each stanza and bring to life each aspect of this sad experience. If the lines seem to say something similar, I'd leave it out. Tightening might be all it needs.
I also don't 'rush' a poem anymore.
I'll let it breathe on the shelf for awhile, go back... and I will see something I didn't before that could help 'add' to it or make it very different.
Reading others helps me too. It creates a good 'muse'.
Thank you for sharing. If there are any site questions, please let us know. Warmly, CookieZeal
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