california has defective sun
I'm quite sure alcatraz
bends around the sea instead
ladies do the trick
on occasion
to make the sisters glad
if they do not
it will rain clumps of bee entrails
wild flowers caught
in the core of a conduit
claude:
" you need
tougher plant life I know
cause sweetheart
you got a black thumb "
she pulls a bible over
blank traits
in a desiccated field of daisies
amongst the willows
her husband
quiet as a catacomb
makes no buzz
earth at the bottom
of his vertebrae starts to grow
claude:
" love horseshoes
how they skip
love defeat
no matter the size
love tomatoes
even unripe "
In a list
A contest entry
- In Conversation with by NurseChilly.
1400 points, ended June 15, 2008, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
all advice is warranted.
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Thoughtful,... mind bending lol, sweet complexity.
You damn poet. I would love to know what inspired this. A striking contrast to my dull monotone. I quite love the touch of the spoken word.
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Well actually my mother inspired this, whom is usually in my poetry in one form or another...For good and for bad. There are some other literal meanings scattered throughout, but it started with her in mind and the way she changes for my father...Not in an abusive aspect, but just in time and the idea of two souls united. Thanks for another great comment.
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hehehe, this is so intresating, i love what you did with this, i think it deserved more than bronze, but congrats anyways
the black thumb made me laugh, cause i was joking about my thumb being black awhile ago, from where i was playing with the black walnut tree, and the oils came off...you know?
but wonderful write, and keep it up
Stephanie ♥
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LOL...You'll have to take it up with my dear baby Gillian/Nursechilly if you think otherwise.
I like what you were thinking with the black thumb, but I was just saying how everyone has a green thumb when they garden and in this case, it's quite the opposite. Thank you again love for a great comment.
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haha, well i cant now, the contest is already over
haha, i know what you meant..but black walnuts are totally more fun
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Yes they can be more fun.
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oh, well then i guess we will just find out, *throws a huge black walnut at you*
i think that was pretty funny *smiles sweetly*
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I'm not really qualified to comment on such...with me I have to say if it has feel...and this does...much like the little e string being bent and kissing the big E string...in guitar terms...you just cut me in two
oh yeah I commented on this one because it only had a meager 27 prior comments on it ...tsk...tsk...
damn your good...lol
peace Muddy
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This one was posted around the same time as another so it must have been overlooked by most of my readers. Oh well, I guess. I'm glad to see you stop into this piece. I like how you describe how this made you feel...in guitar terms. You are so creative, even in comments. Thank you so much for leaving your thoughts.
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CA has defective sun; eh? lol Love the bit about Alcatraz; I've been to Fisherman's wharf to see it. But; that aside, I loved this! Your poetry just puts a silly grin on my face; it's just so good.
~Pt
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Yep. Every time I go down there I get like a burn that doesn't last for more than a couple hours...LOL. It's so strange. I think it's because the heat down there is so much different then where I live. I've been there a few times as well. I just love old prisons and shit. I'm glad you like my stuff. 
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earth at the bottom
of his vertebrae starts to grow
Love this! Love 'black thumb' and 'bee entrails' and
'I'm quite sure alcatraz
bends around the sea instead'
Full of pretty pictures. Congrats on the bronze!
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Hey there again.
This one felt like one of those poems for me that carried so much significance in my life...Not that the others don't. There was just something alive under the flesh that need a place in poetry.
Thank you again, so very much.
You are a very observant and lovely reader.
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You are an observant and lovely reader too!
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this poem reminds me of somewhere that i've been lately.
'she pulls a bible over
blank traits
in a desiccated field of daisies
amongst the willows
her husband
quiet as a catacomb
makes no buzz'
those two stanzas remind me of a small town, much like the one i've visited,
and it's odd the way you portray this.
it's perfect.
i don't understand why you got bronze.
oh, and i'm starting to read some of your older poems.
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My older poems on here are not completely old though...Almost everything on this page has been edited recently, but not just written. The only one that is truly old I guess is "brown"...Which was posted when I first started this account years ago. Thanks so much for the lovely comment. The poem reminded me of my own town as well.
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hm.
well would the word be 'less recent'?
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Less recent, certainly.
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I like claude! yes i do... .. the boney parts of this make it so strong, and of course the last 4 lines make me sigh
loved it
many thanks for entering my contest.
G.x
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claude purrs, yes he does.
You are too kind to me. Stop making me
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Thanks gilly.
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amongst the willows
her husband
quiet as a catacomb
makes no buzz
earth at the bottom
of his vertebrae starts to grow
the image of a black thumb is fuckin awesome, and that first stanza is just killer at pulling the reader in. raining stingers, and loving tomatoes even unripe...i can't pick anything out that i don't like. sorry that i can't be as constructive with your work, i just thoroughly enjoy it. you know that
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I try to be constructive too most of the time but your poems don't seem to have much that bothers me either. So I guess that is a great thing. To be able to enjoy poetry without taking notes. I often find myself getting hung up on images instead of simply flowing with the thoughts so yes your poems keep my critical brain mostly dead. You have been reading my stuff for quite awhile and I would never expect you to change your commenting suddenly. You do what you do and I will just smile. Like:
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Thanks Ian.
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The first stanza is just amazing. Defective sun, bending alcatraz...wow. And "earth at the bottom of his vertebrae" --you are a hell of a writer, my friend. I enjoy reading your stuff.
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Thank you very much. I know I sound repetitious,
but thank you anyways.
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You're talking about my state! You gots to come visit me some day .
This poem is very tasty, makes me wish I could garden, but I have a black thumb myself. Thank God for farmers.
The second stanza is my favorite, it cracks me up, I love the juxtapostion, and the ending is perfect.
You were very creative with the dialogue.
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And I shall come visit. Absolutely. Like I said, stow myself on an airplane (cheaper than tickets) and when no one is looking parachute over the city part where I use to visit frequently.
How hard could it be?
Or simply buy a ticket. Decisions. Decisions.
Thanky again for you commentary.
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brilliance..
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Thank you Suzanne.
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