It's horribly lonely out here
Floating on this charred seat
Counting the fins of predators
Wondering if I'm going to sunburn
Tomorrow.
It's terribly chilly out here
Turning the clouds into smoke gods
Measuring the buoyancy of salt to fresh
Wondering if I should have eaten those peanuts.
The guy holding onto the toilet
Has long since disappeared, and
I'm beginning to think that it might
Be a safer place too bob later.
It's dreadfully reminding out here
Black, and yellow jacket stars.
Perhaps, even whole galaxies...
Tonight I have a feeling.
I'll probably freeze to death
getting there.
Author notes
I have a nightmare of crashing in a plane.
Written December 24th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Dreams and Nightmares by Darkened Star.
500 points, ended March 21, 2006, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
THe best part was
that it had to end. When it did I read it again.
-
-
I felt the same way.
-
-
I love story poems, it's what I write most. My favorite thing about this is the title... It's just real interesting. Best of luck in the contest.
Edited on Mar 11, 3:20 p.m. because ''. -
i love this.so funny and sad.typical of the human spirit to find humor in the most tragic of circumstances.i liked the little details.really good.but then you already know that!
-
Good with one error. Otherwise, basically perfect.
-
as always what I expected from your poems.. an extremely interesting write which makes me think about so many different things. Thanks for entering.
Sephiroth Hi No Tenshi -
Yeah, good deal. How to add to a ponderous, albeit plausive, load of critique? I guess I'd have to say I enjoyed it, I would feel somewhat maudlin if not for the little mundane concerns put into it; such as the sunburn concern and that of the peanuts. Possibly a little mordant. Definantly reminded of author Chuck Palenak's (?) novels. Just a real good write. Check out some of my stuff if you get the opportunity or ambition to do so, I'd really appreciate a genuine critique or two--Thanks, Sly.
-
Hey everyone!
So the contest is finally over...and it has been very (very) popular...and I have so much to do (i.e comment on everyone's poems...(If I haven't, you will get one, if you like it or not!) and then start judging. So this may be a bit of a lengthy process, but bare with me!
Thank you...
You should probably hear back from me in a few days time!
Good luck
*~penandpaper~*.
p.s Thank you everyone for entering...! -
Hey everyone!
So the contest is finally over...and it has been very (very) popular...and I have so much to do (i.e comment on everyone's poems...(If I haven't, you will get one, if you like it or not!) and then start judging. So this may be a bit of a lengthy process, but bare with me!
Thank you...
You should probably hear back from me in a few days time!
Good luck
*~penandpaper~*
p.s Thank you everyone for entering...! -
The images get to me in this one.. Just damn!
Sometimes the most beautiful things can also be our worst fears, like the ocean. When you freeze to death is your heart the last to go?
Fucking awesome piece. I should be pondering now for hours...
Excellent.
*stomps
Edited on Jan 29 because ''. -
You've painted your picture so very clear...
and I wonder which would be more transcendental, drowning or freezing to death.......
Reminded me reading this that we die alone.... how sad.
By the way, I'm just thinking too fucking much.... -
it is a very lonely quiet little poem and hopefuly there is still a toilet on board or is he going to bob in the water...floating on a raft it must be quite beautiful to look at the sky as you slowly freeze to death. a beautiful death.i love the humour in this poem the little mundanities of everyday castaway on a raft life about toilets and peanuts.a dangerous combination.i sobbed when reading it too so there there at least you wont feel so alone now.its a very sobworthy poem.
-
You know... I love this poem, it makes me cry a lot, but so does a lot of stupid shit. I don't know, but when I read it... I often sob.
-
Wow. You defintely have a gift for telling stories through your poetry. This reminded me of the Titanic sinking and all the people floating in the sea. I liked your word choice, the words seemed cut up but flowed perfectly.
(I'm getting jealous of you...
-
Great.
Wow.. deffinetly my cup of tea. I must admit it has me feeling rather alone though. But I bring you a message of praise, for I cant help but love your poem.
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
