You say I'm just a child,
A young soul in this dark place
Haven't lived enough to know
Where heartache meets with grace
You say I have no knowledge
Of anything that's real
But how could someone know that?
Do you know what I feel?
You say this, and believe it
But little could you know
What I have and havent seen
Where I've yet to go
You say I'm just a child
A dark soul in this young place
Haven't lived enough to know
Where heartache conquers grace
Author notes
I have no idea where this came from, but its the first poem I've written in a long time that I've actually liked, and I havent really had to force myself to write. So there wasnt really much of an inspiration behind this, it just came to me. Also for the contest, I was told to put here that rules suck, so yeah. Good idea with that btw!
So, I was told to put my name here (for a contest) It is Shrat... or Victoria, whichever you prefer.
Looking back, this is one of the only older poems I still really like, after briefly editing a stanza of course.
A contest entry
- Give me what you got...2 by Luckintheshadows.
1000 points, ended June 20, 2008, 25 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP family...I'm thinking :) by Luckintheshadows.
360 points, ended August 24, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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The hook of this poem is something I have lived, Victoria, and you have captured it well..."where heartache conquers grace." I adore this piece, and will likely bookmark it, so that I can read it again. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Very beautiful cadence creating a mirtheral feeling as one reads it aloud. I like the imagery, context and the wonderful flow. This is both beautiful and atmospheric, IMO. Congrats on the gold and green trophies, much deserved.
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Nice write. Short, yet very effective at conveying the idea, and while I see that someone posted that they did not like the ending, I like the repetition of the first stanza.
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It's a very lovely poem, and I love it. The only thing I can find to criticize about it is the repetition of the first stanza as the last, I feel as if it's a lukewarm ending and you could do much better with it.
Keep writing! -
Like this piece a lot. I've always said that anyone that thinks being a child (or teenager) is easy, clearly does not remember what it's really like. Congrats on the well deserved trophies for this piece.
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Hi thanks for your comments, it seems to me that your piece flowed just as freely, its a really nice, tight little piece, with a nice choice of words, not too flowery which I like, and yet very thought provoking thankyou for a really meaty read
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nice write!!! I really like this stanza:
You say this, and believe it
But little could you know
What I have and havent seen
Where I've yet to go
well done. *clap* -
Great stuff here. Topiary summed it beautifully.. adults do indeed underestimate children. I thought this stanza was spectacular:
You say this, and believe it
But little could you know
What I have and havent seen
Where I've yet to go
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I like this a lot for its truthfulness. It's very tempting for adults to dismiss the thoughts of children as inconsequential; every time I find myself doing that, I imagine myself back at that age, and I remember that, even though I've changed in many ways, what I felt then is still as valid as anything I feel now.
Not that I'm some old codger looking back on her childhood, but still. -
You say I'm just a child,
A young soul in this dark place
Not experienced enough to know
Where heartache meets with grace\
wonderful first verse!
very good introduction that drew me in right away.
I can definitely relate.
I like that you finished it off with that to to sort of sum it all up.
Very nice.
I enjoyed it thoroughly!
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Your poem speaks of knowledge beyond your years....age is merely a number, and it's who you ARE that counts, not how old you are. it's your beautiful perception of life, your words speak truths that most "adults" will never know, or want to know.
This is an extremely though provoking write, I love that "it just CAME to you" because, for me, that is the best way to write true poetry...it's not all about big words, and fancy styles. Poetry is about what YOU feel, what YOU think, it's about anger, and frustration and love and joy and all the extreme emotions a person can feel!!!
Again...a truly brilliant write,
thanks for sharing this, and entering my contest,
Luck. -
another great piece that reverberates a lot with me. you speak articulately about the frustration of the all too common assumption that age automatically determines experience, knowledge, wisdom. there is sort of this romanticisation of the "innocent joy" of childhood, with much of what children say dismissed as "cute" and/or containing insight for adults that they are unaware of. there is some truth in this, of course, but from my experience with children they often know a lot more than we usually give them credit for, portray them to. i remember it was refreshing when i entered high school and even though it was only a difference of months, the way adults interacted with me was so different, so much less condescending.
sorry to ramble on so long. in any case, you approach this topic well. and the last line is extremely powerful, very effective. just a slight shift, but hints at so much pain in a few soft words that almost slip by.
there are a couple points in this that i think are a bit tangled for the sake of rhyme, the main point being
"And you say this is a hindrance
That too deeply I feel"
the phrasing just seems awkward here. "And you say it's a hindrance..." (hindrance to what? wonder if there's another word that might fit slightly better here) might work, feel like this part could use just a little bit of work. i might also eliminate the "with" in "Where heartache meets with grace," but that's a minor matter of preference.
but for the most part, a very smooth, nicely done piece on this topic. -
I like it! People do frequently assume youth or lack of life experience keeps you from truly understanding a situation, or even seem to equate it with stupidity. :/
Your words are beautiful here and you get the point across nicely. I loved the first/last stanza. Well done!
~QoA
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I definitely liked the repetition between the first stanza and the last stanza... only altering one word to symbolize growth.
The line "where heartache conquers grace" was very well penned, and it flowed nicely.
My only problem was with the second stanza. The last line had something awkward about its flow. Try swapping "deeply" with a different word that has three syllables. It might help.... just a suggestion, though.
Great write! -
And a great start
to a new beginning! I relate to this piece a lot. Many people take children or youth's inexperience for granted. Idiots. My mother said I was born 2 going on 82. Just because children don't voice actively what they always see, doesn't mean anything. They watch the actions of adults more than they listen to their words, to see if they're being told the truth.
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Your poem has great rhyme, rhythm and flow. I think it is very deep. Very good work!
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this is pretty good i can relate to this whole poem well written
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A good write, indeed and I especially like this line:
"where heartache conquers grace"
I can relate to this, too! ^^
Nicely written n.n
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This poem is very good. I love the last stanza where by altering a few words changes the meaning completely. Congratulations on this poem.
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its really interesting how the last stanza and the first stanza mean such different things with just a few words altered.
i like this poem a lot. and it does seem like the kind of thing that would just come out of nowhere.
amazing job dont stop writing
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