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Psalm 45:1

 
 
My King!
Oh, my heart fills
with such joy!  I sing out
to my Lord, the river of words
forming a poem to honor Him. Every
where I see His hand in beauty
of His creation. He
is Jehovah
My King!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author notes

1 My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness.
I pour it out in a poem to the king,
shaping the river into words:
Psalm45:1

this style is a richtameter. syllable count is 2,4,6,8,10,8,6,4,2
some refer to it as a diamond or lantern

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • aeolia
    August 21, 2008

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    I like how you used the rictametre for this; I'm not religious, but the lantern shape reminds me of that verse ("the lord is a light unto my feet," or something like that). The form does hinder what you have to say, though; while you have some decent ideas and are praising your god for his beautiful creations, you don't show us a glimpse of that beauty. It kind of falls flat without the imagery to accompany it, you know? Maybe a second rictametre next to this one could have elaborated on it.

    Thank you for the entry!

    -hiraeth


  • Sharcu silver member
    May 30, 2008

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    We have a lot of friends in common, if you didn't know that. Decided to stop by and read one of your poems to say Hi! And wow! You have an amazing talent. I can't write in form very well, but you did it here. Great job! Keep up the excellent work and good luck in the contest

    --Tim


  • quantumsurveyor
    May 27, 2008
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    Strictly this is not rictameter because of the 11/12 syllables appearing in the middle line. Poem - is not a pome, so has two syllables, and every should, strictly, be three syllables. This means that the 10 syllable middle line is either 11, or 12 but not, by any count, 10. Me, I generally prefer to write in a looser form because I can never count correctly and then get tired trying to remember the rules LOL

  • quantumsurveyor
    May 27, 2008
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    Thanks for your message. Of course it is, I grovel in apology for not recognising a form I have made use of myself.


  • crazymomma
    May 26, 2008

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    I am not religious so I don't really know the bible verse, but this is lovely. I really liked the way the first and last lines were the same. The format was really cool for this since a diamond is precious like God is to many people

  • quantumsurveyor
    May 26, 2008

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    This is a pretty looking "lantern" poem that has a light touch in a religious setting. Although this might not fit the "standard" rules for lantern poems (about how many syllables per line and how many lines) I think you should be pleased with the result. The content has not got universal appeal (I am a Christian myself so I am not suggesting this from a negative position) but that becomes a problem for others not for the poet. Your song comes clearly and directly from your heart.


  • NeonRose
    May 25, 2008

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    We know I like this because

    I commented on this one even before I knew it was being used here..now I will dig a bit deeper. I love the form of this write, and the way you begin and end it with the same phrase. I like the way it reads like a psalm, and leaves a peaceful feeling for the reader.
    IMO, this write is beautiful as it stands.


  • NeonRose
    May 25, 2008
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    A simply beautiful prayer/poem, with amazing background...truly lovely!


  • myorama
    May 23, 2008
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    A wonderful poem and praise to our Lord. Well done. God bless


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    May 23, 2008

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    oh my gosh are you a witness becuase i am to oh my for the longest I thought i was the only one i love this good luck to you in the contest


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    May 23, 2008

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    This poem sings loving praises to our Lord.

    The middle line has 11 syllables; I would use "form" rather than "forming".

    I love the background, btw.


  • ButterflyforChrist
    May 22, 2008

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    Gorgeous!

    I love this form! Just love it! It always amazes me how such great meaning can be packed into such few words, carefully chosen words. Beautiful message along with background. Very much enjoyed! Thank you for sharing!

    God bless!

1 - 13 of 13