The child in me
Dragged kitchen chair
Climbed bathroom vanity
To stare at ancient face
The scars and lines
Float memories and times
Familiar and obscure
We share a tear
I felt the burden
Of stories shared
Of blows landed
Of souls stranded
Promises broken
Fear and pain spoken
Children can be very
Cruel to each other
With apologies and gifts
Reassurance and kindness
We can heal the rifts
And cure the blindness
Author notes
A shaped, or concrete poem. It has the lighthouse shape, or a chess piece, or a key hole.
Happy 50th, Ben
Dec 9,2007
A contest entry
- but wise words endure... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended May 23, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #5 That Voice You Hear...It's The Other You. by ModernXTimes.
675 points, ended June 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Names by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended June 20, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Its all about the comments by Hello...No.One.Home.
700 points, ended August 11, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Cooooool
Thanks for commenting on my poem, and this link is a great one... lots to think about. Really, the photo was meant to be a mirror, in my poem, but some of these ideas show me how wrong I was
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Its amazing how children seem to be the picture of inncence for the eyes of the world and yet they can be so spriteful to each other.
A wonderful write and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Rose -
Simple, but well described.
I like the way you made your own in this.
It is interesting like Modern Times explained here. -
Hmm. That was an interesting piece. The first stanza was a little strange because the sentences were choppy and not in the same tense as the first sentence, but overall, I thought the message was very lovely. I loved the blindness aspect because it's very true. I also liked how the last verse was rhyming too because that was the only part that was "poetic", the overall message that was highlighted. Thank you and good luck with the contest!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
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Glad you enjoyed the poem. The tense is precisely correct as needed to express the moment of staring in the mirror. Dragging and climbing were in the imediate past tense.
Float and share are present tense- the moment contemplated.Second stanza is reminiscing the past, felt, and shared, etc, Last stanza, looks to the future- can heal.
The rhyme scheme is a bit random, but nearly couplets placed internally, with an AB,AB conclusion. I didn't place the rhymes at the end to achieve the shape, which is equally important to me.
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Well crafted verse is here..thanks for sharing it...
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