Midnight,
I call you again,
you answer.
Off on another
midnight drive,
but this time
I'm making things worse.
"Why are you
doing this?"
she asked to the cold
air around us, not wanting
an answer, just me.
Without a response
I turn to the window,
the black night
sailing by as she pressed
the peddle.
She lowers her head
for a long second,
looking back up
at the road, her eyes
shimmering in the dim
light of the dashboard.
Suddenly she's screaming,
every confession,
every thing we hated
thrown back and forth
between the ever growing
distance between our seats.
Screaming fades to whimpering,
to pleading,
to begging.
But she knows it won't help,
she knows we are past
the edge.
Up ahead I see a turn
on the mountain,
her foot never left
the gas.
Author notes
Pertially inspired by "The Oncoming Curve" by Rise Against.
A contest entry
- a subtle inquiry into love and darkness by harlequin shadow.
900 points, ended June 21, 2008, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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First things first: She lowers here head *her ='s her* for a long seccond, *second* you have discribed a typical situation that arises, at times, between couples while driving. In fact I find a nice drive a good time to talk about many things including the serious but obviously not with those results.
You have used te simple language to express this situation well I might add a bit more "sense" orinated(imagery) to it but all in all nice write and good luck in the contest
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fixed it up a little, thanks for the heads up on that!
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Oh. This is an interesting poem that you have going on here. It sounds kind of sad though. I kind of took it to be about two people that were in a relationship together for a long time but had grown apart and didn't really know how to fix anymore. It sounds sad but that kind of thing happens all the time.
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Nice work. I really like it. Best of luck int he contest. Keep up your good work!
CrimsonViper
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btw...the title is just perfect...very well thought out
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wow...i liked this...the ending was def not what i expected...nice twist! Good luck in the contest!
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