My immature heart worshipped your very being
Yet
Will never understand your hatred for me
The echo of your voice is breath-taking
Able to silence even my unspoken words
Your image
Enough to shadow my brightest memories
Your reflection
Still present in a place I tried to abandon
But
You left me there with no escape
Taking my innocence with you
A contest entry
- Tolerance and Child Abuse Prevention: Stop Child Abuse: May Contest by Page Shut down.
600 points, ended June 6, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reflections by Folklor.
461 points, ended May 29, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - so..how about the bronze winners now? by Cat10.
600 points, ended June 2, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EMOTIONAL!!!!! Looking for the best. by Condemd RyeZing.
650 points, ended June 2, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Traumatic Events - Rape by TheGangstress.
600 points, ended June 14, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Very Good
Still present in a place I tried to abandon
But
You left me there with no escape
Taking my innocence with you
Great ending to this beautiful verse
Well said, Rick
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this has a great message in it!!and it is a very great write!
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Thank you for your comment
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A very powerful message in a short amount of words. I applaud you for being able to convey such a deep, emotional feeling. My only suggestion: I'd keep "Your image" and "your reflection" on separate lines because it makes them stand out, but put the words "Yet" and "but" with other full-length lines. I think, that way, it would emphasize the other points more, and make it feel all the more deeper.
Thank you for entering my contest and following all the rules. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Will never understand your hatred for me
The echo of your voice is breath-taking
Able to silence even my unspoken words
Your image
Enough to shadow my brightest memories I can relate to your words good luck in the contest
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Thank you for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this, as I enjoyed sharing it.
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Short but incredibly strong, this says all that needs to be said in just a few lines.
Stunning
♥
Thank you for your entry in the May Tolerance & Child Abuse Prevention Stop Child Abuse Contest
Stay safe
~Manda
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Great job. It kept my attention the whole time and was quite emotional. Nicely done.
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thank you for entering! this is a great poem! I loved it from the first word to the very last! you did an amazing job and good luck!
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So often
The young suffer from the guilt of a lost love only to find that it time a valuable lesson can be learned. But yes, I too was once young, and I do understand the pen and also the beauty in this poets write
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'The echo of your voice is breath-taking
Able to silence even my unspoken words
Your image
Enough to shadow my brightest memories'
fantastic analogies and your poem was absolutely breathtaking your endng was perfect. bravo!
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it
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well, word loss is not something that happens to me very often, but here it does happen...very well done...PK
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this was such a wonderful and very expressive
there was sorrow and heartache within your words,
well at least thats what I felt..
The imagery and emotion in this was really
heartfelt, thank you for sharing..
Best of luck..
Angel
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WOW
what and attention getter,
great use of words,
and the visual imagrey was
very easy to capture great job
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OH this one has my attention. The narrator destined to carry petty complaints into a relationship as the one who cared leaves behind the cheating desire bore by the narrators lack of innocence. They walk away in pain and carry the burden to hate the sound of a voice that once shared emotion.
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tainfinite
this is like a genocide of the spirit, you captured this feeling with such an amazing write, totally awesome good luck in contest
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so much said all in such sh ort verses. Good work, Welcome to allpoetry
This isa great site to be a part of.. hope u enjoy and write more.. DOnt forget: Next time we want a happier write from ur pen.
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Wow.. This is a very strong write. I particularly loved the ending few lines. Well done my poetic friend!!!
Mylee
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Oh. This is ifferent. Short && well written. I throughouly enjoyed this peice. Welcome to AP. I hope you like it here.
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