Here lies the lidless
whose eyes were always on the prize.
Down-shifting deviants
Shaking, shaking, shaking
Foaming at the feelings.
They littered the landscape with selfish sentiments
Seizing every opportunity for a fraudulent flat-line.
Overdosing overlords
Acting out their anecdotes
Fleeing for the hope of feeling.
Give them an inch
they'll take an incision.
Now intimacy is pushing daisies
In a field where famine was farmed.
So I conduct a chorus in the name of closure
A respectful end for those who led themselves to the slaughter
But they hiss like the lifeless
Invoking calamity with the caw of the undead
Returners of senseless retribution
The heralds of hallowed ground.
We left them there to rot,
and shuffled back to civilization
wearing an impostor smirk.
A contest entry
- Headstones!! by Parearoo.
450 points, ended May 26, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites But NO "fresh" writes by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 77 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Midnight Valentine by Redrusty66.
600 points, ended June 26, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Heart by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 118 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - obituary by adsaige.
2000 points, ended January 5, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
the obituary contest requires left justification ... your poem is not left justified
thak you for entering this contest -
Nice work, haunting use of vocabualry that created a quite dark and interprative atmposphere. I enjoyed the angles and twists that were provided by the wordplay and scheme. Great flow as well. Thanks for the great read.
-
Line two ...
should be "whose", not "who's". Line 13 should be "daisies", and line 21 should be "there", not "their". There is an adverb, their is a possessive pronoun. There's no punctuation. You didn't read the rules.
That said, this isn't a bad poem in the main. Hopefully you will punctuate it before the end of the contest. -
This is a bit too long to be put on a headstone. It's a nice peice of poetry, but it violates my "keep it short" rule for the contest.
Adding your comment:
