I sit upon the windowsill
The world around me soft and still
Then my wings will swiftly fly
Towards the white and cloudy sky
The whole world beneath my wings
Filled with awesome beautiful things
Translucent wings continued to spread
I was almost there, then I bumped my head
Some hard surface called a "ceiling"
Gave me a view that was quite appealing
But in embarassment I tried to hide
There was no sky, for I was inside
So I began flying towards my home in the rug
For I was no pilot; I was only a bug.
A contest entry
- Ages 14 and under: Pretend You're A Certain Animal by Sky Prince Ireland.
300 points, ended June 3, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me :) SMILE by ixtli.
300 points, ended May 30, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Poem About Something Small by Atrus.
600 points, ended May 27, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
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I agree with a previous commenter, that it was fun how you kept the bug fact until the final line. :-) What that helped do is creative a narrative... so the reader was right along with the bug, going from windowsill to ceiling to floor again. Good job!
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The rhymes here are great. I like how you kept the animal you were secret until the last line. Good luck in the contests ^.^
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good job
Very nice indeed. I'm impressed. Your writing seems to get better and better each time I read it. Thanks for sharing and entering my contest. Good luck.
Brian
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