Eyes bursting, mimics rain on window's pane
like magic when the droplets seem to meld
beyond the glass to land on leafless tree.
Its barren branches seem amiss and plain
forgetting how they've sturdily upheld
the dreams that little girls would dance and sing
when on adventured wings with smiles flown free.
Those giggled grins we rarely now attain,
are stretched amid this city and impelled
to run embracing every limb in plea
that they remain where happiness will bring
a smile to other children as they grow.
Though bricks and mortar cover signs of Spring;
so loved are branches poking through its snow.
In a list
A contest entry
- Tree in the City ~ biographical or descriptive # 86 Winklings and Friends by Lyndon.
5000 points, ended June 12, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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My friend, I should have known. This is simply brilliant. But I expect nothing less from you when I read your poetry.
I can plainly see why this sonnet is awarded with a trophy. Superior in language and form. You seem to be able to master any form with wonderful words from your amazing pen. You make it look so easy, and I can only aspire... -Wil
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Wil
Oh how good to see you again and thank you so much for your wonderful comment on my Keats Sonnet. I will try my hand at more of them in the future.
I am very pleased you enjoyed this one, but do check out the gold winner in this contest. Her verse is amazing and you will love her work - I know how much you like rhyme and no doubt you will love her gold winning poem.
So glad you had not left the site permanently. I do hope we see some more of your wonderful verse soon.
Get that pen out my friend. 
Thank you again. ~Pamela
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Congrats on the silver. I am unfamiliar with the form and I may be out of place, but I wonder if 1st line 3rd stanza could be "we" in stead of "one" to allow a purer rhyme of attain...
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oooh, I do think that just might work. Thank you. I was thinking singular while I was writing, but "we" works very well and, as you say allows a purer rhyme.
Thank you.
~Pamela
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A beautifully constructed write. It lead me to explore this form, and yes, it seems quite difficult to achieve with any grace. You have done so. Congratulations on the silver.
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NeonRose
Thank you. I am pleased you enjoyed this piece and I did enjoy writing it. Thank you so much for your warm congratulations. I appreciate it very much. ~Pamela
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Keats sonnets are notoriously difficult to do well, and this is done very well indeed, great poem
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cricketjeff
Thank you so much. I have not written but only two and do love the form. I appreciate your kind words so much. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Yep!
A Keatsian rhyme scheme!
Dignified iambic pentameters press home the longevity, lovableness, and natural authority of the city tree.
Will.
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Will
Thank you so much. I am pleased for your comment here. ~Pamela
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Very nice sonnet, I haven't done a Keats Sonnet before so I'll have to give it a go some time soon. Great use of words to bring out your images of loney trees sprouting in the concrete jungle of the city. Thanks for sharing it and good luck in the contest.
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Tis a most beautiful sonnet you have written
I love the imagery and soft flow weaved within
I will have to learn this form of poetry
You give to this form your unquestionable genious
Best of wishes to you
Tony
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A Keatsian sonnet is refreshing
and you, Pamela, have done it justice.
The poetry is rich with imagery and quiet philosophy.
I enjoyed your epithets in such phrasings as "adventured wings" and excited moments of a past as in, "Those giggled grins".
I enjoyed your stanzafication of the poem.
Thank you for a joyful read and your careful, concrete images.
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Ron
Thank you so much for your stunning critique, poetic knowledge and expertise. I appreciate it so much and thank you too, for the honor of silver. I did enjoy wirting this form and will absolutely try another. Thank you again. ~Pamela
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A wonderful sonnet, one that i am unfamiliar with. There were some beautiul images in this piece. Well done.
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I like it.
Lovely. Natural. Smiling.
Paul
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superb!
beautiful as usual,had a very easy mellowing effect on me while reading this! Pam, don't you ever stop writing! P.S. This has already won gold in my opinion.
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WOw..this is a truly beautiful write. A lovely sonnet. I have read several sonnets, not many as well written as this one; but haven't written them. I hope you do well in the contest.
Kelli
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