darkness cools the night
cutting the smell of
sweat, rug rot, stale milk
and always smoke that
unwinds from my lungs
blue tape measures
of the final days of life.
these walls absorb
the shadows between
neon lights and contain
all of me there is
except for those parts
left out on the street –
my hopes and dreams
broken booze bottles
brushed and dampened
by street sweepers
lumbering, belching, and
scraping away the residue
of life like piss.
dosing, seeking long
forgotten dreams
a final warning is
voiced over parking lots
from across the street:
“Merry Christmas.”
A contest entry
- Woman in a motel by AJ Morelli.
2000 points, ended May 27, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This felt a little personal to me, even though it was written for a contest. I smelled fear mingled with all those other things... maybe not fear... more like an acutely painful awareness of what people can become.
Definitely a powerful, punch-in-the-mouth kind of write.
Your descriptions were... amazing. I can't believe you didn't place!!!
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Quite the piece of abstract. Indeed, some amazing imagery here - very descriptive and truly allows the reader a chance to visualize your words. Nicely done!
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i think we all need to find a better class of motels, this contest has brought me back to some seedy places...lol
this is a strong, image filled piece...
nicely done
al -
"scraping away the residue
of life like piss."
"a final warning...."
Morbidly sarcastic. I can hear the scratchy- underpaid- miserable- voice of the person on the speaker. Chilling and raw. Great write!!!
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good luck in the contest
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The darker side of love ...
stark, rough, guttural. Read like sandpaper on soft skin. Yes. Gritty.
Atmospheric and sad. Good character sketching, Poet.
Blessed be.
Myra
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Oh
...Garrison...this is excellent. I love the extended metaphor of dreams as broken bottles of booze..being swept away...your writing is getting more & more powerful with every write
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