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Proposal

Laying on the grass, looking into the sky 

   above, clouds swiftly dance around,

cuddling together, just me and my guy

   nature plays, the only sound above,

 .

Clouds swiftly dance around

  trees rustle in breeze

nature plays, the only sound

  as my guy turns onto his knees

.

Darling marry me, be with me for life

  lighting flashes while the thunder roars

smiling, I would be honoured to be your wife

  my heart will forever be yours

 .

Lighting flashes while thunder roars 

 cuddling together, just me and my guy

my heart will forever be yours 

  laying on the grass, looking into the sky

.

Author notes

my first attempt at this form

pantoum


The structure of a Pantoum is very simple.

It consists of series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.

now i can see i need to work on this form



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A contest entry

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Comments


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry

    Very romantic, a proposal in the thunder and rain. Beautiful, good job this being your first attempt.

    In your third stanza you did not repeat the second and fourth lines from the previous stanza, but otherwise a really good job.

    I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

    God Bless
    Tammy