The Devil breaks out from within
And so does break out the sin.
All the evil that's outside
Found its way out from inside.
Wars and famish, all's a mess!
The world reflects our ugliness.
Covering an empty soul,
Wrapping-pretty, package-null.
Failed to respect our owns,
We turned from Queens back into pawns.
And we cry, and nothing do!
We solve a problem and cause two.
Our outer powers kill us all within,
The outside's strong, but paper-thin.
We lost our faith in love, in life!
So, our words became a knife;
The more we do, the less gets done...
Who are we, and what have we become...?
Author notes
Nothing to say. Read for yourself. Inspired by the movie "8th plague".
"Rules suck" - indeed
A contest entry
- Prewrites Galore! Enter NOW!!! by xCandieKissesx.
300 points, ended May 31, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - love or hate by sin.
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300 points, ended June 9, 2008, 34 entries
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Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From May 2008 by amaranthine lover.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 100 HM's - such an easy comp by Unsigned.
1000 points, ended January 10, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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A very good question and a very good write...
Well done
Good luck
Simon
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It's okay.
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interesting write! as you so rightly said, the poem speaks for itself, which I like. the flow gets a little sticky at times, but does not detract from the write as a whole.
Thanks for sharing this and entering my contest,
Luck. -
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Thank you for your comment - I also added "Rules suck" to my AN ^_^
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Thank you very much for your entry.
And good luck in the contest. -
... it works
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In each couplet, one of the lines tends to be pretty good, especially "The outside's strong, but paper-thin" but the rhyming is pretty terrible. Words are twisted and convuluted just to get the rhyme, so the whole thing is forced and awkward. I'd advise you to try a few non-rhymers, because you can write good lines. take care x x
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Thank you for your suggestion - I never thought of it that way - I think it just comes rhyming to me
But I'll try to work on some non-rhymers as well. Thanks again! 
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I am so glad you took my comment the right way! I tend to just let my mouth run along, and you've no idea got many times people get offended! x x x
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There's no reason to get offended!
After all, I asked for opinions - I got my opinions! Right? 
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great job with this. i'd pick out a favorite line, but i don't have one. they're all so poignant. bravo!
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