Slap-flap of canvas windbreak.
Sunlight seen
through closed eyelids – distant shouts
of waist-deep waders in the swell
and shingle rattling backwash of slow waves.
Sudden shadows quickly passing
scattering sand against my hand –
thud of bare feet - children running
past and down the crowded slope to tease the sea.
Warm smell of sun oil.
Basted bodies browning
under the grilling sky.
And I,
behind closed eyelids dreaming of other Summers.
A contest entry
- Let Me feel your presence by Mrs. Serial Killa.
800 points, ended September 19, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be Inspired by Your Senses... by harriet567.
450 points, ended October 6, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"Warm smell of sun oil.
Basted bodies browning
under the grilling sky."
this made me smile.
the ending was superb (:
"behind closed eyelids dreaming of other Summers"
it's so dreamy.....
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Excellent
I love this here from you I so enjoyed this
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Excellent imagery as well as metaphoric content are abundant in this well-written composition.
Congratulations on the awards!
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Gorgeous. This poem is electric with imagery and emotion...fabulously written!
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WOW! i loved this! IT WAS AMAZING! thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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mmm i can almost smell the ocean.
=]
this plays on almost all the senses.
brilliant.
good luck!
=D -
I can smell the suntan lotion now..
thank you for entering and good luck.
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A very well written poem of time spent at the beach.
your description was very real I could just feel the splatter from the waves. and oh yes a good place just to close your eyes and reminiss of other summers.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
This is a good poem. Thought it is sort of jumping from thing to thing abruptly. You go from talking about the sea one stanza to tanning the following stanza. More smoothly I would suggest. I wish you the best of luck though with this contest.
Blood Princess -
Wonderful imagery and feeling in this. I could almost hear the sounds! Thanks for the entry!
Az -
This is an awesome poem. My sister used to lay out to get a tan. But she doesn't do that anymore. I really liked reading your memories. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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This poem brings me right back to the beautiful beach. I love how you covered all the senses; sight, sound, touch, smell (well just not taste) really good write
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This piece had some very strong imagery that really placed me in the beach by applying to each of my sense - so it was very inspirational because I felt I was in that time in place.
My only suggestion is that I thought this one lacked emotion until the last line - you could've shared more happiness, more sadness, more stregnth, etc. The ending just gave us the raw feeling of dwelling in the past. Cool, though.
Thanks for your entry
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Great work Jimmy
It brings a lot of old memories to my mind of summer outing with my parents and family. I enjoyed it.
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very well written and an excellent description of a fun day at the beach.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
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