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My love is Fluid

“My love is fluid
You are solid….”

Liquid,
your love rushed over me,
a tsunami of passion,
desire and longing...
Need long denied,
I believed ...
and quaffed and swilled,
Drowning my airways
with the swash of you.
Gushing rivers and
whitewater torrents
cascade over me... alluvion...
finding gravity's meanings...
Navigables become tributaries,
forks become rivulets,
streamlets become drops.

You ... fluid love ...
drain off me
into coarse,
porous sand.


Now parched...
dessicated
alone.

Author notes

al·lu·vi·on n - 2. The flow of water against a shore or bank. 3. Inundation by water; flood.

Navigables - poetic creation here. navigable is an adjective and means deep and wide enough to provide passage to ships. In this case rivers or channels is inferred by making the word plural, converting the adj to a noun.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Cinnarry gold member
    May 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you and those notes! anyway

    Your flowing love ...(You...fluid love) I find this first"mistake"..if it was one, one that you should make again. Read it as such.


    • runewalker
      May 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      well tell me more, I tossed this on the wall fast and it still seems drafty to me

      • Cinnarry gold member
        May 26, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        from bella-babie
        "4th line from the bottom= YouR fluid love.. just missing the R that's all."

        imho-You...fluid love. I don't want my 'love' to be as a reference the same as I would hold as a material possession. 'your fluid love, her fluid love, tom, dick nd harry's fluid love. I think if someone told me, You are not my Cinnarry, you are...FLUID LOVE. as in it's noun meaning like continuous matter that tends to flow and to conform to the outline of its CONTAINER. I know its jibberish to you, LOL, but I understood what i said completely.. LOL@me

        Absolutely no disrespect was meant to bella-babie by my using her comment.


  • realism-vs-romance
    May 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it, it was a good read.
    thanks for entering!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh sounds like an unfulfilling love escapade to me! Love the beauty and consuming passion in the beginning, then the stark reality of being parched and alone still at the end!

    Fantastic


  • perfectsunset gold member
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I have no any extra ideas for this piece, you have covered them all.. especially with an ending like that; kind of expected but not..

    I wasn't expecting that kind of ending which when I read it, all made sense, I really enjoyed it.

    Its simplicity of one's love draining another's leaving them alone, and dry; and there gives so much depth with excellent use of metaphor. Truly makes the read worthwhile, and to want to read it over and over again.

    Only suggestion is I noticed a teeeny grammar error just to help you out;

    4th line from the bottom= YouR fluid love.. just missing the R that's all.

    Aside from that, you penned another brilliant treasure to read!! You should consider making a book of poems.
    I bet Shakespeare would be jealous!!

1 - 6 of 6