Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Hush




As the last calls

of an old lodge

bellow into sapphire snow

in a dusty room
with a rock fireplace
and dark wood mantel

it is provocative
to watch us
make love in my mind

I see glimpses

of our movement
in a gilded mirror

headboard rumbles

faint moans

down my neck

then your hand

brings my face back

so slowly

and the ghosts

of our lips
entwine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 68 of 68

  • JinSays gold member
    September 29
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    WOW
    This is breathtakingly gorgeous. So very sensual, provocative. The seduction of the mind is so much more above the actual act of sex. I got alot of flap about this particular pose, people said it was TOO sexy. TOO SEXY? How's that? All she's doing is arching her back. There are no other clues as to what she's doing. . .but people have been smacked upside the head too many times by blatant sexual (and emotionally bankrupt exploitation), and miss subtlety. If you can write about blatant lovemaking, and make it tasteful, and provocative, go for it, but so far, I have yet to see that much. I would much rather be seduced in my mind any day.
    But then again, that's just me. Thank you for your entry, this is remarkably classy and smokin hot
    jin

  • Everwind Rising
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written piece. Your use of imagery and pace sets an unforgettable mood. Really fabulous writing.


  • Sandra R Reynolds silver member
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    Good imagery and write

  • Tennessee-Joe silver member
    August 5
    Edit | Reply
    Damm this is hot. It deserves more then one read. Very well written and IT"S HOT!
    Joe

  • BellaD
    June 16
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful poem!

    Powerfully written. Sparse, elegant description. This poem comes to life! Very well done.


  • Lady Editor
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    Not only the moment itself but the words are softly sensual as well. If this were a drink, it would be water for you have captured the essence of one of life's greatest moments. Great job.


  • Tennessee-Joe silver member
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    You words bring a beautiful picture to my mind. A special day in your "rearview mirror".
    Joe


  • nilav
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    you can make us see and feel with your words....beautiful

  • Bungalow Bill
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent, great flow and really sets the scene


  • ceridwen
    June 1
    Edit | Reply
    You made me hot and gave me shivers too. What a mix!


  • ellipsist
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    more sensual and more sexy because of what is hinted at or suggested in that final stanza - excellent


  • Asdzaa Nadleehe silver member
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my goodnes....wow
    Excellent!
    smiles
    many blessings
    ~A~


  • Dalaney gold member
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    Shivers...
    The ending got me...in a good way
    Love, Lane


  • Sandra R Reynolds silver member
    May 29
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent imagery


  • apples fell gold member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply

    I like the space at the end here, but again, why so long? I promise I won't mention it from now on when I comment on you but I just don't think it's important to a poem in general, that's all. I'll just say "space" in capitals or something so you know it was odd.

    With my above observations aside I will mention one thing which stood forward and seems out of place. Maybe there could be an easier way to transition at the end without using the word "that"? When you start the last stanza I think it ought to speak on its own without the force of a word for mere connections sake, Know what I mean? The rest is so delicate and I think the poem would smooth into a finish better with a different word choice.

    The first stanza of the piece is where your strength is and that's not to say the rest is weak. I just really felt the beginning more so than some of the following verses. This is like a painting and I like that.

    ;


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one a lot, the opening is a perfect scene setter...

    you paint a very provocative and sensual picture here, and god knows i could use a little of both...lol

    this is a beautiful poem Tara...

    thanks for entering ti here



    al
  • sadandallalonenow
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    Moving and totally sensual wriet here. Enjoyed it very much. Take care.

  • zochit2me gold member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    Hauntingly provocative



    Becky


  • LadyDeNoir
    May 25

    Edit | Reply

    INSPIRED!!!!!!

    While I see this was a contest entry, it seems so real. As if in an unguarded moment, some unexpected "thing" took you back there.
    The rock fireplace, the guilded mirror, the "sapphire snow"...it all worked...while bringing a long ago memory of a cabin Brownwood to me.


  • Allyce May
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    ! Perfect, I love love love this, especially the last six lines Something a little disturbing and sad and hollow beneath these words. Fabulous poetry


  • amid unnaked things
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    The last stanza was just so chilling. And I love how, in the first two stanzas, you really made the setting come to life.

    everything by you is just so beautiful.



    ~Cassie


  • Swan song gold member
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!! I am speechless! This is one of your most sensual works ever!


  • markgrif gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    "the ghosts of our lips" loved that.
    I just read your notes. I didn't really read anything spooky in this. It just worked. Maybe I just didn't read it right? lol

    Enjoyed the read.

  • Catressa gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    do do do.. oh sure spook me out.. I stayed at a bed and breakfast couple years ago, that was I know so haunted.. hahaha.. (Okay maybe I just have an over active mind) but either way I know I heard some creepy stuff..


    How ya doing beautiful?


  • Sonja silver member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    it is provocative
    to watch us
    make love in my mind
    ~
    Woman and poet and dreamer, that's what you are. This poem is so romantic, still hiding a drops of sadness and longing.... sigh...
    ~Sonja~


  • philosphyofkate
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    it's odd, but somehow making love in a hotel always feels slightly melancholy to me.


    • ardentMarch gold member
      May 22
      Edit | Reply
      lmao - yes, I agree, I can't say I've experienced it a lot, though!!



      anyways...yes...freaky hotel, motel sex... LMAO.

  • MariGoes gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    You were not...? Nah, that would be tooooo weird
    You did set up a very ghostly scene, but ended the poem with such a lovely imagery. A nice mix of dark and love, love in the dark, which can't be too bad.

    In a room like that I don't think I'd be able to close my eyes though, unless some very cute ghosts....ok, not finishing that

    I liked it, a lot! °.°
    Mari


  • Jersene silver member
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    this is hauntingly beautiful.


  • faderman1959
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Hauntingly romantic! Lost loves from the past always leave their echo. Damn I will have to use this in a poem! Thanks for a wonderful poem and such inspiration!


  • naked roots
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Whew! Spooky and sensual at the same time.
    Loved the feel of this and those ending lines...
    excellent.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply


    This is a beautiful moment, I love that you make it imaginary. This place you'd like to be..

    You're also very good at putting real love into real sensuality. Nice duality




  • Namita silver member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I was watched one of the scariest movies EVAR today morning and scared myself to death I love ghost stuff.

    "ghosts of our lips entwine"- wowow, Tara. You're so good. "provoctive to watch us make love in our mind"- Magic! Magic in words!!

    - namita


    • ardentMarch gold member
      May 22

      Edit | Reply
      I love any SCARY movies I also love all those shows about haunted hotels & I have a book series on them...lmao
      I'm a dork.

      what's your favorite scary movie? The last Saw was the best!!! And written so brilliantly..

      • Namita silver member
        May 22
        Edit | Reply
        Me too! Lol, we are all dorks then! I love watching these things and getting scared, and being afraid to even go to the bathroom alone

        SAW IS GAWD!! OMG- ITS AWESOME!! ALL OF 'EM!

        my brother told me not to watch it, he tells me I have phobias, lol.

        • ardentMarch gold member
          May 22
          Edit | Reply
          yes...when I am afraid to go pee...that's when i know it's a good one


  • Harrisham Minhas
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Its a wonderful write with vividness and an eerie feel to it. Nice interpretation of the contest prompt.
    Good luck in the contest!

  • ian sawicki silver member
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    .

  • Zayra Yves gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    I love the title.

    Great piece...god luck in the contest.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Hauntingly beautiful... *sigh* and best of luck in the contest Tara.


    Love and peace always,
    mj.

  • Virgoan
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful...I like the soft and sensual sound - a haunting hush that last outside the tangible facets of life.

    Even if it is an encounter with a ghost if this is how it'll work why not...lol


    Best of luck

  • celadia
    May 21
    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful, I hope you get a trophy for this.


  • arafura
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    "a headboard rumbles
    faint moans
    down my neck..."

    This is a wonderfully written and compelling work. It glows with a sensual energy all its own. BRAVO!


  • Faithbound gold member
    May 21
    Edit | Reply
    it is provocative
    to watch us
    make love in my mind


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    So amazingly descriptive. The scene, from the sapphire snow to the gilded mirror, provides such detail of place, that these ghostly goings on are nearly tangible.

    An amazingly shadowed, but comfortable feel to this. Just wonderful, gal!

  • Yellowdogpoetry gold member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    The title allows the reader to obsorb this piece quietly, almost privately, glimpsing the arousing images you offer. Such a tender sensuality, in retrospect if you will. Lovely lovely depiction of an evenings languid loving! Geo


  • monstruo
    May 21

    Edit | Reply

    it is provocative
    to watch us
    make love in my mind

    amazing March. Simply amazing. Sensual, yet erotic to my minds eye. I love it.


  • Ithica silver member
    May 21
    Edit | Reply
    This is the dance of shadows in the night... a ghost whisper on a sensual note... You are good!!!


  • maggiejamespoet silver member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    I was reading the latest issue of Columbia poetry and your poem is better than anything in that issue! It is a beautiful sensitive poem and I could go on and on but anything I say couldn't do it justice. Good luck in the contest!


  • silverfish
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    i don't think this is dark . . . maybe just because there are no lights, but even poltergeists glow when you touch them just right. so i'm told. -casperfish

    'hush' is a turn-on title, btw


  • Kiran silver member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful! A haunting yet beautiful atmosphere! Excellent.


  • Moqui Takoda
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    oh, this is gorgeous. just gorgeous. the images sensual and trembling, the colors are black, yellow, darkening purples and fireplace moans ... dark, dark, dark


    then your last lines ...





  • Nicolette gold member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    I love the mood, the atmosphere in this poem, Tara - so well painted here in "cobwebs" (if you know what i mean by that, lol). A lovely build-up to the "ghost lips" at the end...love that line.

    Gorgeous poetry, indeed - and with such an understated sensuality about it!!

    ~ Nicolette


    • silverfish
      May 21
      Edit | Reply
      what? what does she mean by 'cobwebs'? is it, like, silky sequenced protein strands of old spider webs, or ...? what? -cobfish

      • Nicolette gold member
        May 21
        Edit | Reply
        cobwebs - never heard of the word?

        "A spider web - cobweb is an alternate word, derived from the Middle English coppeweb (from coppe, meaning "spider", a word that was introduced to England by Dutch invaders and originally pronounced 'kab').

    • ardentMarch gold member
      May 21
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, Nic...I have been working on this one for so long..lol..was not sure if I was going to enter it, though...it's kind of weird...but I LOVE haunted hotel stories ..lol

      thank you for your comment

  • In Too Deep1 gold member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful in the way that it depicts love making beyond the limitations of touch. When the soul submits its realms, journey between haze becomes sensual dejavu. Hungrily haunting desires recant in minds shadows, unsealing chambers hidden behind flickers. This is a very beautiful write, and I wish you the best in the comp


  • NurseChilly gold member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    ghosts of our lips.. man o man. that will stick with me for some time to come tara, you've captured a scene so well with these delightful words

    yes...... i feel all mysterious and a sense of urgency and need



    grand

1 - 68 of 68