It is always a tricky predicament
to begin writing in the midst of reading.
Words are like trains. They ripple through countrysides
and metropoles, perverted and understood within the moment’s
context.
It is context, after all, that determines meaning.
A boxcar. It is a home, a compartment, or a vehicle.
It is pitch dark, vermillion, or unseen, when viewed
from contrasting angles.
Tempering the tempests as they
thunder off the siding is an activity reserved
for men bereft of simultaneous comprehension
of the parched plateaus of the Rub al Khali.
It cannot be done.
It cannot be done without first answering…
“Is rain repelled or does rain smother all?”
The transpontine winds billowing closer sketch a similar illustration.
Even upon the stagnant sidewalks, the body is the sole limitation
of the serpentine mind. It can discern the
palpitations in the patterns, and slowly drifts
into a wonderfully littoral state, immobilized in liberating limbo.
Tolstoy will confess, but not yet.
The questions must be answered, yet they cannot be.
They will not wait, they will not dissipate, they will simply
purge and soar on the Atlas wings of condor.
In this state, there is no truth.
Only wind, or something blowing somewhere.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Party! ..You Know Yeh Wanna! by xCandieKissesx.
300 points, ended June 6, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything-prewrites allowed-2nd contest by Midgetbridgey.
350 points, ended July 11, 2008, 245 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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this is really really good, i love the form and structure of the poem, the vocab used as well is just WoW,
the best part of the poem to me is:
Tolstoy will confess, but not yet.
The questions must be answered, yet they cannot be.
They will not wait, they will not dissipate, they will simply
purge and soar on the Atlas wings of condor.
it just blew me away, all my love,
kitty xxx -
Hi, I like this a lot! I will write a critique on the Critique Exchange Community page although I don't think I can tell you much you don't already know lol!
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too much to read in a crowded room. very deep and very well put
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very... verbal. You made great use out of your very extensive vocabulary. I must say I was rather confused through most of it. Maybe meanings to deep for me to comprehend. When you started talking about the Boxcar, thought of the series "Boxcar Children" lol. I miss those childhood books every now and then. This is beautifully written. The lines
"Tolstoy will confess, but not yet.
The questions must be answered, yet they cannot be.
They will not wait, they will not dissipate, they will simply
purge and soar on the Atlas wings of condor."
This I understood. I can relate too. This is a great write! Keep it up! -
Wow, this poem is so loud! It's beautifully written, and at the same time full of thought and meaning. I really loved it.
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not really my style, but very well done!
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As said previously, there is so much here. Perhaps, even, a little too much for my taste. For example, after reading the trains/boxcars stanza, I thought to myself: "neat concept." I wanted to know more about it and see where you went with it. The next stanza, however, took the poem into a completely different direction. I'm not saying that the stanzas were all completely irrelevant to one another. I know they weren't (I see an overlaying message about truth and perspectives). The piece was just a little scattered and lacked some transitions. It was by all means not bad, though. I'm sure some people will absolutely love this poem. But to me, it was just random rants with little consistency... and this may be ONLY my opinion, but yeah, atleast I'm giving you an honest comment. :-D
I commend you for your word choices/usage. You painted lovely imagery to get your messages across. This is a very creative and original piece. Great write.
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I really love this poem. The metaphors, and references are well done. Vocabulary was good as well, not to verbose but you showed you have a command of language.
I do have to disagree with what some one said on the line breaks though. Especially the fist three stanzas. It seems like the breaks just come for no reason. BUT I am from the Ginsburg school of thought that each line should represent one complete thought. I could just not be used to the style.
whatever the case, I did enjoy this and look forward to more -
Ummm. To be honest with you I dont get it. I might have to read it again tomorrow when I haven't been walking around flea markets all day. It seems good If I could understand it.
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deserves 5.
had 0 points when i read it....lol
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POW!
What a punch in the face!!
Funominal!
Rolled like a tumble weed,
There is so much here!
The beginning is a beginning i have never encountered in writing...so unique was it...it should be patented....
The box car home analogy was so pure...unreal!
Great freakin job!
LOWELL POE -
Amazing
Your piece had me grabbing my dictionary so as not to misinterperate...Your vocabulary is amazing and your metaphoric displays astonishing. Great read -
wow omg this is amazing. your vocabulary is very well, and the line breaks worked. it somehow made the break of the sentance work in a way i could never do.
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Very Intellectual..
This piece is very emotional and imaginative! The metaphors in this are amazing. The vocabulary usage is stunning. This piece is very well formed. I thoroughly enjoyed the complication of this piece, it made me think and I was involved in it so deeply I almost got lost! Well done and keeping the muse alive and strong!
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wow
great job. you made me think. not many poets can do that to me in one poem!!!
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this inspired me a lot. i read each verse a few times first time i read the poem. and then i read the whole thing again once through. i feel like it says so much more than i can comprehend at once.
this is an amazing piece of writing.
i loved the second stanza. found the third a little hard to follow, but i 'tempered' it in the end.
and the ending was perfect.
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Ahh, something new to read, really and I find this piece, hmm, informative in a way through your point of view
One of the poems I quite like is this kind of theme where the author's got a personal opinion about some certain things.
Apparently, I think my mind's a bit dysfunctional since I half get this
I mean, I don't know much about society so yeah, that would explain a bit ^^'
No matter, I find this piece great, anyway
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I agree with fillurhands; I loved the stanza about words are like trains. & I loved the alliteration and slight rhyme. None of that took away from the poem. Good job.
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I certainly enjoyed the poem and I really liked the phrase "words are like trains". That whole stanza is great. I've never heard of "Rub al Khali" and don't know anything about Tolstoy. So, those parts were too smart for my noodle.
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Woah
Awesome! I seriously dont know what else to say, except that this is an amazing poem, your vocabulary is very good, but not to an annoying, flashy point... great job!
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Helluva poem. Great word choice. Once again, great word choice. I'm particular to:
"the body is the sole limitation
of the serpentine mind"
Serpentine, great word. Is this an allusion to Adam and Eve? either way I'm likin this guy. It has a subtle but well formed rhythm. Have some clappies
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You have a perfect pair of bookends here. The first two and last two lines are amazing. Once again you have used an array of beautiful words to create your imagery. You must have a wonderfully diverse vocabulary! I'm jealous!
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Thank you
I understand what you are saying sorta, I agree with Jennyreb it is quite long and I found myself wondering what you were talking about. I have writes most of them on here that are just works in progress or I have finshed them but not posted the completed work. Thank you for sharing and many blessings... -
Ah, yes,
People ask what state I come from (US), and I often answer "The state of confusion." You've got some great writing here, and some very deep thoughts, but like a long train ride, I get lost in the thoughts in the journey into reading it. It starts of well, but then, I don't know what...maybe the phrasing? The flow just seems to disappear to me. I'm not sure if that's a typo in the 3rd to the last stanza, 'littoral' should be literal? I'm not sure if this helps, but this is my take on it. Definitely a work in progress, that appears to be in rough draft; it still needs editing. I go through that with all my poems. Say, while we're here at shameless promotions, please take a look at the ones I've posted here. Thanks!
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Thank you for the compliments first of all. To clarify, I intend to use "littoral," which means "shore-like" or near a shoreline.
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