The sun bleeds red as its dying light departs
staining clouds like a thousand bleeding hearts.
Mourning death of day I fear night's attack
as darkness silently fills the sky with black.
Twilight portrays infidelity surreal
no matter what I say or how I feel.
Tears fill my heart freezing time in mid beat
watching my forever dreams crumble in defeat.
Seeking morning to clear my heart of dread
reeling under the weight of what was said.
Depression and anger rush to compete,
the moon hides its face and the stars retreat.
Today is gone yet it lingers within
as yesterday helps tomorrow begin.
Hot rays of a birthing sun sear the sky
fading the promises of a whispered lie.
Forfeiting all that I believed would last
I realize now tears are rooted in the past.
Love demands compromise yet I refuse,
except for hope, I’ve nothing to lose.
A contest entry
- Prewrites But NO "fresh" writes by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 77 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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WOW
This poem is wonderful, hard to pick a favorite part, but I especially liked the beautiful imagery in the first 2 lines. -
Another beautiful poem from you! I've been reading many of them, and I am truly enjoying your work. You have a unique way with words and a way of saying things that is original and unique.
*HID* -
Thank you for this excellent entry in our contest, it is both emotive and moving and causes the reader to feel for the subject. Your rhyme is spot on but we felt that the odd line was just out on rhythm and flow.
Please join us in future contests, we always love to read your work...Sue and Jeff
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gifted
a good write bu a gifted person. your emotion is easly seen. good luck in contest -
Very nicely done!!
"Giving up on feelings I thought would last,
I realize tears are rooted in the past"
Really enjoyed that part of your poem!
good luck in the contest!!!
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Whoa ...
this is damned good. I see none of the hesitancy I've seen in some of your other poems, and no errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
Good job on this one.
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Wow, this piece is so great, I loved the way you ended it with a hard-hitting sencence, just what I was looking for thanks for the entry
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ok i dub thee, Word Wizard!
you have quite the knack for snatching the reader up and spiriting them to the demension you wrote the piece on ... verry well done with great flow and truer words have never been spoken unless they are in one of the other writes ive seen of yours .. lol max clappage
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-Le gasp-
Wow.... your words flow brilliantly across the page and have a wonderful rythem. I love your work! This has made me bleed for you, it has stabed through my heart, it was dark and painful and yet filled with hope. Thankyou so much for shareing, love!
CONTINUE WRITEING!
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Powerful!
So many good words, it's too hard to pick which are my favorites. What strong emotion, and such anguish and sadness. A Whispered lie is a fitting title for the piece and the whole line was so emotional. The way you said depression and anger rush to compete as the moon sheds it's face and the stars retreat. I also, particularly like the sentence in the last stanza Giving up feelings I thought would last, I realize tears are rooted int the past. So provocative. I've got to set aside some time to read more of your work.
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