broken and shattered
it still beats
but it doesnt matter
its filled with deceit
anger and pain
overrun inside
its not in vein
these thoughts I hide
lies run free
within my mind
i can no longer see
im feeling blind
truths are hidden
and dreams conceiled
this love forbidden
this pain unreal
my heart has stopped
the beat is gone
my life is ending
the pain so strong
A contest entry
- You're a heartbreaker by flyingphoenix.
475 points, ended June 11, 2008, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Again by Summers end.
300 points, ended May 22, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Party by Blooming Poet.
425 points, ended July 23, 2008, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do u think??
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
great flow and rhyme. I like the idea of the heart still beating but broken, very clever! keep up the writing!
all of my best wishes to you
>>>>gaiascully<<<< -
oops forgot the applause lol
-
This was brilliant!
I agree with my imaginary friend that the 4th stanza was great!
Very strong yet painful!
Use the pain!
Keep writing!
Great job!
-Ash -
oh wow I love this! my favorite lines hade to be these:
truths are hidden
and dreams conceiled
this love forbidden
this pain unreal
but that ending was perfect! great piece, this is really dark and I can really relate. excellent work
-
This is good and the pain you have displayed here is obviously very personal and writing about it must have been hard.
-
A very intense poem, although I thought it would be, judging by the title.
I liked the flow to this, and your feelings are portrayed really well.
great write, thanks for entering, good luck!
Sunny
-
Very nice flow
wow. strong words. i like the flow. tho some of the words set me off like,
"anger and pain
over ran inside"
i think you meant overrun inside. it just set me off a little.
and
"these thoughts is hide"
did you mean inside? or these thought they hide? or these thoughts I hide? and the last thing is
"my heart has stoped"
you just spelled stopped wrong. I really love this intense feeling and flow of this! i write like this sometimes and i love how you did it. Just those few mistakes, i hope you dont mind i mentioned them. unless you wanted them there. sorry then. anyway thanks for sharing this piece. I'm glad I had time to read it.
~Madison~
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