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In Your Reflection I Shine

I wish i could see the things you say you see in me.
Such lovely songs and perfect melodies they'd be.
But understandably I have yet to see with my own eyes
And, most times what I see gives me the most surprise.

Perhaps you don't go quite deep enough inside; murky dark
You'd catch another glimpse into my other-wise lite heart.
Don't get me wrong, I like your summations, there're great
I just want you to focus tight, and not a mistake to make.

When I see myself in your eyes - a perfect specimen I am
And, in your eyes I am hopeful not to get an overload of spam.
Loving you like yesterday's apple pie, 'cause you reflect me.
Just keep me as the 'apple of your eye' this makes me happy.

A contest entry

Overlook made up words

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Folklor
    May 29, 2008

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    'I wish i could see the things you say you see in me.
    Such lovely songs and perfect melodies they'd be.
    But understandably I have yet to see with my own eyes' this was a stunning beginning. your tounge twister made me really look at our words and dwell upon their meaning and the honesty of seeing beauty in the eye of the beholder is a wonderful image. be careful near the end the food cliches in my opinion interupt the beauty of your gentle flow. the phrases you have chosen are quite abasive to read against the soft undertones you have set at the beginning. read through and see if you can say the same thing with gentle words. and see if you prefere it
    thankyoufor your entry it was very nice

  • carole21
    May 21, 2008

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    very nice

    a very nice loving write on love . . liked "Such lovely songs and perfect melodies they'd be" and "Loving you like yesterday's apple pie" . . good luck in the contest . .


  • individuality gold member
    May 21, 2008

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    ah no matter how we view ourselves, if another sees beauty and perfection then that is good. beauty is in my eye reflecting your eye as our eyes meet and kiss communication with loving tenderness - undertsanding of ourselves and the world that spins around us.

1 - 5 of 5