The house was deadly silent,
Except for the sound of a gun being loaded,
The end was coming...
She walked out the door,
And into the night's cool embrace,
She breathed in deeply,
Tasting the crisp air,
On her red, velvet lips,
A slight breeze picked up,
And carresed her cheek and neck,
Soft and tender,
It brushed throught her hazel hair,
She took a deep breathe,
Then leaped off the stoop,
And fled into the night.
She had arrived at her destination,
A cliff, looking out on the ocean,
The waves broke against the rocks,
A never ending battle,
Between land and sea,
The cliffside was bathed in light,
As the clouds moved aside,
To reveal the pale full moon,
And the night sky, covered in stars,
A smile spread across her face,
She raised her head to the heavens,
To gaze upon the stars,
For the very last time,
Her end had now arrived,
She pulled out the gun,
Placed it against her throbbing head,
And with that pulled the trigger.
Author notes
Thanks to Bean Sidhe for the title!!!
I wrote this insted off doing my homework...naughty me =)
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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..thanks for the entry
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The dark nature of this poem has been writen in such a way that it make the whole poem become more beautiful. I love the layout, and the way each line draws upon the next, giving a real sense of movement.
Great poem!
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Wow, I love it, it flows really well...
Btw, homework sucks, I am sure this is much better than any homework assignment.
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Very good, I hate doing my homework, and look what happened when you did not! XD *tsks* Shame, but hey I used to do it all the time when I was in school. (Summer breaks rocks!!)
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I like reading about suicide... call me dark and twisted but I just darn like it. (^^,) I actually used to write about it more, now it just doesn't come to me anymore. And I miss it.
I loved this write of yours. The title was fab. Your descriptions were fulfilling, and in the end you had me captivated. Wonderful write!!! I liked it a lot.
oh and...
I would do the same thing... write than do homework so your not the only naughty one! lol
have a blessed day
-Blanche
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I'm totally opposed to suicide ...
so I can't say that I read this with any pleasure. Still, it's not bad for what it is.
Good luck placing it elsewhere.
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Once in awhile I take the time to read poems about suicide. Out of all of them, I think that this one was the most worth reading. Kudos!
I can't even explain it.
It has such a peaceful, easy feeling to it.
When someone refers to "The End" - as in the end of someones life, you think of it so differently. With this girls ending, you can almost think of it as a suicidal fairy-tale. I love it!
Never have I ever read something this interesting.
I really really liked it.
(&& by the way.. I'd soooo rather write poetry than do my ishy homework)
lol
Sincerely,
dove ~
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It reflects suicide in an almost peaceful manner. Not the usual hysterical assumption. I liked it and I don't really like stuff about death.
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although suicides is not something i find poetic, but this well written
lekha -
Interesting wasnt expecting dthe end, but the beginning kind of does give it a way slightly, its a good write,hmmm... for a title i would recommend "The End Has Arrived", just a thought
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Hmmmm, while I don't normally condone suicide, I agree that this is rather well written. I would suggest "Final Beginning" for a title but would definitely recommend that you review the work carefully & fix the spelling errors. I also agree that the last line is redundant. It's much stronger ending it with "Placed it against her throbbing head."
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When I begun reading this peom I envisioned a happy ending, maybe a romanatic begining and ending, but I never envisioned a sucide. But I love the surprise factor, when you find a title for this poem, please don't make it so obvious as to the ending. I have to get to class, sorry. but well finish commenting later...if I can. bye
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Wow, this is the first time I've read a lovely piece about well, suicide which I find weirdly cliche and sad? I don't know O.O
Anyway, I think your write is simply written with lovely wordings here, although, I don't think the last line is necessary but you decide
Sadly, I don't know what to suggest for your title ^^'
All in all, a lovely piece, indeed.
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