through thin panes
the thicker beams of longing -
it reads me
between the lines
like moonlight the joints
between floor boards:
i forgot to close the blinds
last night
In a list
A contest entry
- 30 words by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended May 21, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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Wow. This is really special imagery
that one could only hope to see in real.
Damn...
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thank you
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These lines are like holding your breath and then having to exhale. With all our efforts it is the mundane that catches us, "I forgot to close the blinds last night"
I am taken back, how wonderful!
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Thanks, Scott - great to see you visiting my pages again
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How many times I've laid in the half sleep
Not awake
But eyes open to cold bare legs
Too tired to move the covers -
The image you leave me with is astounding. Although this is just a simple point in time, you make it seem magical. A wonderful piece. Congrats on the gold. You rock!
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the earthly plain and what lies above that.
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I hate getting caught between the slats where shadows interrupt moonbeams like bars, with me inside and my dream somewhere beyond Venus, and I want to plant four o'clocks in the crevices. ~ Karen
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Your comments are always so poetic, Karen - thank you, dear one
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What reflects for me is:
World-weary eyes, no longer insisting on guarded interpretation,
allow clearer light into the heart.
Meeting what is already known of me,
bringing reconnection to more true essential substance.
After dropping my guarded reservations and judgements.
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Much to see in a few words, even in only one possible scenario conjectured by me.
I like that it has this openness in mirroring.
Sol
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Thanks, Sol - a wonderful comment for such a small poem
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aah, the way you close this one... and worded it all together actually. It totally shows the moon in you (and the sun as well); the softness of your soul and everything attached to it...
wonderful - and way more than that, too.
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awww.. somehow you can bring one to the cusp of love and the in betweens..
Leaving you with a gentle sigh...
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I love this of course, primarily because of the idea behind it and your faultless exeution of that. SO, I am going to sound pedantic when I say that I am not sold on "it reads me between the lines" - I knowwwww that it fits with the theme of things but it's not as stark as your other imagery. I also know I shouldn't have bothered to bring this up, because my poetry is not even close to being on the same level as yours! BUT IT'S TOO LATE NOW!
It's still bloody marvelous though
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this is beautiful in its message and imagery.
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Simply stunning! It is something how you can capture the simple moments of life and make them special
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beautiful poetry
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Ha! Another Gold! This big G is not by my mistake. here we have a rain and I forget to close the blinds too...
~Sonja~
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Thank you, Sonja. Ja, it's been a good week for me trophywise - 4 golds .
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Congrats ... most deserved( at least to me )
As it is, it's wonderful but..
I found it even more when I lost "it reads me
between the lines"
and made it - "reads between the lines"
I hope you don't mind me saying so
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Of course i don't mind, Liza. I trust your eye and talent for poetry. But you know how it goes with these limited word contests, lol...you just squeeze a word in that you otherwise might not have. Thank you...
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Yes... lol I do, but I'm always thinking beyond these limited things to where ...the best things could be
if that makes sense?
You're welcome.. and -- thank YOU
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That Blue Moon got to you too, eh? I leave the "blinds" open purposely during nights like that.
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I see you did it again...dont ever tire of writing poetry...because people like me
will no longer be awed
mal
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The same counts for you, Mal... thank you
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zee moone
zee blinds
and zee flyin dutch(ess)
sometimes we forget to forget
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you are so right about the "forgetting" thing...sometimes we just have to howl, lol
Thank you
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Excellent my friend.
30 words of longing and magic from your pen
Keep sharing your gift.
HENSLEY
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lolol mary...good to see you right here
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Wonderful! And a worthy gold winner indeed. As a lunatic I understand the pull and twist of the full moon...
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Wow, now this is just fabulous, so truly deserving of gold. Congratulations and many blessings, Lavender Butterfly.
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This is the voice I've been waiting for girl. This has the soul of Nicolette all over it, shining like a bright full moon. Love love love this!
~Lyrical
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Robin... thank you, my friend - you do know me so well...
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the ending is just divine, this is beautiful!
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thank you, mel..
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now i know how this feels, yes i do
i miss him everyday and everyday i don't cause he's inside me and with me, i hear his voice in my head and it resonates
but yes, don't you think you've just seen them, in the corner of your eye and you turn around quick to tell them something and realise it was a mirage... damn! yes
i know this Nicky, yes i do
my man's working a 15 maybe 16 hour day today, in the heat too... sucks all round
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jaa i know, you know...
last night with the full moon was just one of those nights
thanks, gilly....
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Love it.
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30 short words that speak a thousand to another moon watcher. Thank you. Geo
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thanks, Geo. In native American cultures they say there are 10 rules for a good life and one of them is to "howl to the moon often"
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Soft but has a bit of lament, the kind of lonely sigh...
Ah, the moon keeps you company and brings you a light that reminds you of silver moments...
So lovely poem Nic
Mari
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"the thicker beams of longing - ", excellent word choice...
beautiful, Nic
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ah, the full moon. the bright beautiful brilliant moon. i saw it too.
mari
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thank you, mari...
the moon was beautiful last night...
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Ahem.
NO WAY!! WE BOTH SOOO THINK ALIKE! Last night, I was conversing with the moon for around an hour! I always look forward to the full moon, as they say lovers are in some way, spiritually connected to the moon. I was just working on a moon poem, for Al's contest... oh well, you must have heard me speaking to the moon last night
or I must have somehow, subconsciously known that you too were speaking to it!
(I'm missing my guy too.)
- namita
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Ahem
lolol, this little one was actually meant for Al's contest too...and then i changed it...so we are definately both "moonfull", Namita
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"through thin panes
the thicker beams of longing -"
Sighhh..."Blue Moon", indeed. This is, as always, lovely, yearning & poignant penning, my Friend. Good luck in Melissa's contest, Sweetie. May the sun & stars fill those empty spaces the moon reveals in the deep of the night.
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you really have a gift for good and unique imagery, and it made me long for someone too. A very poetic piece! You continue to amaze me
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