The ceiling fan of my demise
Swings above me, unsettling
Keeping me up at night
Everyday it gets closer
Getting louder, unsettling
I wont go down without a fight
Keeping time, time, time
In a slow methodic rhyme
Chains smash against the globe
Driving me insane
The dim light shines against
My face, unsettling
Forcing me to one side
An alarm goes off in
My mind, unsettling
No one in which to confide
Keeping time, time, time
In a slow methodic rhyme
Chains smash against the globe
Driving me insane
Pale white skin and a
Black divide, unsettling
On top a sea of blue
Trackmarks and the face
Of a ghoul, unsettling
Zombie lives in 602
Keeping time, time, time
In a slow methodic rhyme
Chains smash against the globe
Driving me insane
I think I'll be fine
If only maintenence would arrive on time
Before I have to swallow this dime
To end my life before the chime
Of stripping nuts and faulty screws
Break the bonds of crusty glue
Setting free the ceiling fan
And death's cold lifeless hand
Keeping time, time, time
In a slow methodic rhyme
Chains smash against the globe
Driving me insane
Tormentingly the blades swing
From side to side
Asking me if I want to die
Alone in the dark I try to yell
But my vocal chords are frozen
This is a living hell
I try to wake from this fucked up dream
Only to learn it's reality
Author notes
OPTION 28::_
misc.
Madskillbassist1
A contest entry
- [[.Courtesy of a Raven's Blood.]] by Soten-Jaganshi.
1600 points, ended October 17, 2008, 58 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I really liked this peom is was very interesting was it ment to be lyrics to a song because if this was a song it would be awesome keep up the work
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I really like this piece. Very unique! I love how you repeated, "Keeping time, time, time
In a slow methodic rhyme
Chains smash against the globe
Driving me insane"
Very nice write!!! Keep it up!
<3 - Jess
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Unique wording powerful in a superb manner I enjoyed your piece because it is so great. I like the way you kept repeating a verse like a chorus and it flowed the poem so well. My favourite verse has to be
"Pale white skin and a
Black divide, unsettling
On top a sea of blue
Trackmarks and the face
Of a ghoul, unsettling
Zombie lives in 602"
wow that verse is a winner very well done on your special piece it rocks!
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Wow that was fantastic who would of thought a piece about a ceiling fan could induce such feelings of insomnia and torment.Good job.
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this is a very nice use of rhythm and meter. I think that I like the concept very well and would like to see more of the concept fleshed out. Why? Is the question that is on my mind. I want to know why you feel this demise and what the internal psychology is to the feelings. Although I have to say that I do think it is an excellent expression deep in feeling and communication. Do you mind if I ask what the prompt was? I like the detail a lot the way that you used sound and smashed so closely together. It has a strong impact, glad to see that you were able to win with this one.
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Excellent job there! I enjoyed how you have portrayed the fear, it was really mesmerizing. You are very talented. It truly captured the essence of a phobic mind, and it was well worth the time I took to read it. This poem makes me want to be a better writer Thanks for sharing!
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dude! a very nice write!!! it really brought out my insomnia, and strangely... it unlocked some claustraphobia in me, my favorite line was ''zombie lives in 602'', keep it up bro you've got some real talent on your hands
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hum..this was quite an interesting piece. i liked the flow it was nice, your imagery was very nice. I could feel the irriation you were feeling by the choice of your words
Great write -
this was really interesting and eye catching.
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Great entry - thanks and best of luck.
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Brilliant write, got a nice flow to it.
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Brilliant write, got a nice flow to it.
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wow. this was really really amazing.
Welcome to the preliminaries.
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