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empty lockets

        

 

           i have a collection

           of gaudy, empty lockets

           on mismatching silver chains.

            they look great with every outfit

            but there’s never anything

             beautiful on the

            inside.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Polaja Greeters member
    June 5, 2008

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    I really like that this poem is shaped kind of like a heart locket I like the mismatched silver chains as well... this is certainly an interesting take on the prompt thank you for your entry!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • Mistermuggs
    June 3, 2008
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    Sweet!


  • quantumsurveyor
    May 23, 2008

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    A notable success filled with deep feeling and meaning. I hope you are not as hopeless as the poem suggests. Nicely executed.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    May 22, 2008

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    Deeper meaning written well...great metaphor and lovely form...sometimes those locks hold more then we realize...
    Best to you!
    :


  • Debbysmiles gold member
    May 22, 2008

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    Quite a metaphoric piece. I do believe there is beauty inside of you.. You really don't need those lockets. Blessings. d

  • celadia
    May 21, 2008

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    this seems to say that what is good on the outside is often not so good on the inside, well, it's true to a degree.


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    May 21, 2008

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    I liked this. The opening was good but not too blunt, and I liked how you used the word "gaudy"; don't hear that too often. I liked the ending statement a lot; it ends it very well. I have to agree, though, it's a little flat. I think the only part that's a bit flat is "they look great with every outfit". Maybe describe wearing it, or whatever else you come up with. Hope I make sense. It's just my opinion. Good luck in the contest
    Jeanette*~


  • aeolia
    May 21, 2008
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    The idea of empty lockets is oddly inspiring, so I can see why you used it. Like another commenter said, it does feel a bit flat and could use more "showing" instead of "telling," but you probably know what I mean. If you revise this, let me know.

    -Christie

  • Bob Fox
    May 21, 2008

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    Interesting

    The world clings to the outter beauty. Only they seem to count yet o the inside they may be cold a shallow. Beauty, as the song goes, is only skin deep. Nice write poet


  • divebar
    May 21, 2008

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    simple and to the point. i liked the sentiment, but it just felt a little flat. welcome to allpoetry.


    • sharptooth
      May 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thankyou for the welcome & comment
      i'll work on the flat issue

1 - 11 of 11