To arrive at the beginning
of wisdom's hoary path,
stand and survey the shambles
of disaster's aftermath.
Envision all the choices made
to reach your here and now ...
formulate your options,
then take a solemn vow:
learn from each mistake you make ...
don't take anything on faith.
The one you've put your hopes on
could prove an elusive wraith.
Since nobody's perfect
and mistakes often occur ...
if you're a passive victim,
don't act as if you were.
Most questions are not stupid,
but not asking them could be.
If your facts are wrong or incomplete,
one and two won't add to three.
Not all life's problems yield
to the threat of a doubled fist,
and the helping hand you yearn for
often graces your own wrist.
A contest entry
- PRE - WRITES WITHOUT TROPHIES ONLY by lindaburns.
1750 points, ended July 28, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF I Deserve A Gold by Rakerman1.
475 points, ended August 9, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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the message is powerful and the rhyme and flow well done.
I'm glad I decided to read this. -
You had some really great lines here. Rhyme and flow were excellent and a great message.
Very well done
Raker
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Judge:
You have some lines her I just really like.
“Not all life's problems yield
to the threat of a doubled fist,
and the helping hand you yearn for
often graces your own wrist.”
Especially those last two lines.
I wish I had said that!
Thanks for entering my contest.
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I completely agree. It makes a big difference if one would let himself cool down and collect his senses first before 'pulling the trigger.' Sometimes it's as big as saving a life, future, or relationship. This is true even in the things that we don't often think matter much like throwing a word or making a judgment on others.
Interestingly, there are two very different pictures that came to my mind in the two separate occasions that I read this piece. The first was a father handing her daughter one pearl of wisdom after another as she sews them together to make a dainty bracelet to remind her of his tender care. The second is a blacksmith pounding, forging, bending, welding words of wisdom, and finishing with a 'sharp' sword.
Ang galing (It's great), Jim. I loved it.
joy
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This poem demonstrates wise resolve and revising ideals that plague many in generalized terms.Good sound advice on many levels. Powerfully proposed,yet softly spoken in compassion's terms. Nice work!
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very refreshing
in a disciplinary sense...
i wish I had this to read when I was bit younger...
but then again, I probably would've burned it in self-pity,lol
a very very good message, esp. the last 2 lines.
and a good flow
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The last line of the first stanza seems a little forced, but only a tad as most people wouldn't be able to get wraith into a poem anyway!
Most questions are not stupid,
but not asking them could be.
Very nice.
Man, I hate reading your poems because it means I have to comment them (it's rude not to!) but I never have anything interesting to say! You're too good, but I say that every time, there's never anything that needs improving, there are never any wobbles in flow...gahh, you're a nightmare!
Oh well, you're one of my favourite poets on here and consistently definitely in the top few, maybe even the top 1
Good luck!
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I looked at that line ...
and I find that I agree, so I changed "be" to "prove". I think it works better now.
Mille fois merci.
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And I worked out the French too with my very limited vocabulary
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Ahh yes, I wouldn't even have thought of that!
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Excellent indeed. Love the flow, brother. Just the kind of write I was in the mood for. Good luck nad write on. One.
Dez
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excellent!
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