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Alone At Night

The softness of your touch
Your voiceless murmur
The flickering flames you hold up high

And the blanket you cast over the world
It brings me comfort somehow
The way you shroud the light

It brings me comfort somehow
Being alone at night

The chill you send down my spine
The way you cover my eyes
The quiet that follows you

And the way vanish in the morning
It brings me comfort somehow
Seeing only by the moonlight

It brings me comfort somehow
Being alone at night

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Benevolent Malice
    May 2
    Edit | Reply
    This was lovely. It had a light flow to it. And very mysterious. Beautiful wording. Great job.


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As I've mentioned to others..not a big fan of capitalizing the first word in every line. To me it signals the beginning of a new thought/idea.

    I think you have lessened the impact of the poem by the repetitions...
    but that's just a style choice.  However, if you added some line spaces, it would help...
    with no punctuation it runs together and muddies up the water.

    are you saying this:

    The softness of your touch
    Your voiceless murmur
    The flickering flames you hold up high

    And the blanket you cast over the world
    It brings me comfort somehow

    The way you shroud the light
    It brings me comfort somehow
    Being alone at night

    or this:

    The softness of your touch
    Your voiceless murmur
    The flickering flames you hold up high
    And the blanket you cast over the world

    It brings me comfort somehow
    The way you shroud the light

    It brings me comfort somehow
    Being alone at night


    or this:

    The softness of your touch
    Your voiceless murmur
    The flickering flames you hold up high

    And the blanket you cast over the world
    It brings me comfort somehow
    The way you shroud the light

    It brings me comfort somehow
    Being alone at night

    or something else entirely?


    The overuse of 'it' and 'the' is never a good thing, try editing out a few and tighten up your phrasing.  I think you would be pleased with the result.  Thanks for entering.





  • movedon
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem!! Very well done. I would kill to have my boyfriend with me. He's away at school and I'm sick of the moonlight. But I get what you're saying. It was GREAT!!

    Mylee