What will I say
When they come to tell me
You are gone?
Will I cry, or
Will I just laugh and say
“I knew it all along?”
Or stopping just a little, turn and say,
“I had not thought of him today?”
What will I do,
When they come to tell me
You are gone?
Will I sit silently, or,
Busy myself with needless tasks?
Or simply nod my head in total unconcern?
Or standing by my window brush tears away,
And think of you on some lost yesterday?
Where will I go
When they come to tell me
You are gone?
Will I go to some deep churning river
To drown my saddened heart?
Or walk along some crowded avenue,
In hopes of losing track of time?
Or will I stroll in some well-known park,
When they come,
The shadows, the echoes, and the dark?
Author notes
toomysterious
For Love Lust or Infatuation Option #5
A contest entry
- Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get The Gold for a pre-write by piccola.
300 points, ended June 3, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Is It Lust, Love, Or Complete Infatuation ? PW allowed :] by innocence jaded.xx.
420 points, ended June 30, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unappreciated Brilliance by KayJay.
1300 points, ended June 23, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Heart by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 118 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Michelle... a beautifully sensitive write. I love the repetitive phrasing... it can be annoying but here, it's a perfect device to bring us back to your thoughts and concerns. The plaintive feel of this is very appealing and drew me in to this... and kept me reading... Wonderful.
I can't think of anything you could do to make this any more complete.
I think this is a beautiful work. Thank you for sharing...Truely, this is what I was hoping for... and it's unappreciated no longer.
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Thank you for the HM. It was a joy being in your contest.
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I really liked this piece, and the questioning going on throughout it. It was very captivating and I like how you listed the possibilities of what you'd do. Amazing :]
"Or standing by my window brush tears away,
And think of you on some lost yesterday?"
Definitely loved those lines. Especially the whole "On some lost yesterday?" Perfect. Just perfect.
"Will I go to some deep churning river
To drown my saddened heart?
Or walk along some crowded avenue,
In hopes of losing track of time?"
Simply beautiful. My favvves =) Thanks for entering :] Oh && could you please put the option number in your author's notes ? Thanks ! -
I've commented on this before and won't repeat myself. It's a great piece of work. thank you for entering
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the flow is beautiful in this and your use of words fits nicely. it has a sad theme that is accented by your format. it really made me want to cry. i liked this a lot thanks for entering
good luck -
Wow
That was very, very good. It was really touching, and heartfelt. None of it seemed force at all.
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Very powerful, and so sad. The entire thing holds sadness and shock, and tears. It seems to speak of someone you haven't seen in awhile, and maybe someone who has hurt you. Great write!
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this is beautiful. i love the last two lines.
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Liked that bit of repetition at the beginning of each of the verses - tied the poem together well. Certainly tells of a broken heart.
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Wow. This was sooooooo well written, it brought tears to my eyes. Absolutely breath-taking write, you are incredibly talented! Best of luck! You are amazing.
"Will I go to some deep churning river/To drown my saddened heart?"
BEST THING EVER!
Brava.
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Or standing by my window brush tears away,
And think of you on some lost yesterday?
beautiful line. I think we are in the same contest
and to me, this is a winner.
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