When you look at me
the universe is frozen,
A blinding flash of light
leaves darkness burst wide open,
I see beyond the night.
Your eyes stop time for me.
When you smile at me
the rainbows melt their colours,
The clouds begin to smile,
and snowflakes fall in summer.
Joy has tamed the wild,
you've set the sunrise free.
When you speak to me
it's like the stars are singing,
The wind will stop to listen,
and all the earth is ringing.
Within your voice is hidden
the spell that moves the sea.
When you're touching me,
the sun is drowned in fire.
The void becomes a stream,
and slave to our desires.
All things have turned to dreams,
there's nothing that can't be,
And all i want
is you
and me.
Author notes
Written about my ex-boyfriend who i was with for 3 years. I've never showed it to anyone else. But a friend of mine writes on this site and that inspired me to share mine rather than let it go to waste. I still firmly believe in this degree of love, as i've felt it and lived it. I look forward to the day I can experience it again.
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 5 Love, romance or sensual - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended July 16, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your BEST of everything prewrites!!! by perfectsunset.
475 points, ended September 16, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ** *INSPIRE ME PLEASE>> EVERYONE ENTER!!!*** by PrInCeSs AnAsTaCiA.
400 points, ended August 24, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything – and something specific! by Beating.
425 points, ended September 3, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Without Rules by reckless abandon.
900 points, ended September 6, 2008, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: This should've won something by now!! (PIF) by Paloszoo.
525 points, ended September 17, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Appreciation Day 2008 by Kimojuno.
1447 points, ended October 8, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I enjoyed this love poem, particularly the expansion on the senses, how enlarged they are by contact with the beloved. Very lyrical, and a good read.
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A very Sensual Poem....Love it..
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This is an amazing poem, I'm so glad I read it!!
I'm not really even sure what words I can say that would do it justice.
Amazing imagery and great detail.
I'm not sure why this hasn't won a gold trophy yet!!
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Too fast
It didn't catch the points
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Well done
poignant ,strong and sincere -
Never give up on finding true Love, remember though that true Love is not physical love-but rather Love that never ends. It never ceases, it continues and is not meant on being based on one specific thing.
Thank you for entering this,
Jeff. -
People may say that this needs working, but I find it has already become full of soul and is to everyones liking.
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aaaaw, this is really touching and full of deep, heartfelt sentiment. Everyone should be able to love like this! Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you share your work here. Good luck!
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Beautiful writing you've done here. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Wow! You truly have a gift! The best part of this was the imagery, which was so over the top, that it was flawless. I loved it. I hope to experience love like that as well, someday! Good job!
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i love the way it flows, the emotion and the power of expression in the words. it brings a tear to my eye, and reminds me of the days when i too felt this way. well done, i wish that i could so beautifully capture feelings like those.
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This is a beautiful poem! I am glad you decided to share it with us! Love is a wonderful thing and so sad when it's gone. I hope one day you can experience love the way you once did! Never give up or settle and it will find you!
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magical imagery here i loved reading this, thanks so much for entering and sharing this with me. you will love again. keep your head up, thanks again and best of luck xx
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Aww this was so deeply beautiful & touching.
Lovely imagery & wonderful thoughts of love.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Hi, your poem gives me renewed hope in that something so pure as true love may exist. Certainly, all the emotions you have felt have been captured most beautifully in your words... and thank you for sharing this most intimate part of your life. It is truly a joy to read and review your work.
Keep writing, keep loving, and keep believing, yeah.
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Thank you for your entry in our contest. An interesting and enjoyable read...Sue and Jeff
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I feel this way about someone right now, and your words to describe it are beautiful. Sometimes I feel as if love is one of the hardest things to put into words accurately, as the feeling itself is so intense.
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I hope you do experience it again...
Your poem is certainly full of feeling and emotion.
I am particulary intrigued by the rhyme pattern. You have managed that excellently.
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This is beautifully written, and captures the essence of the true love -- even to the most insignificant of fancies -- that a human being can feel for another. Truly, when one is so deeply imbedded in unrequited love, it can feel as if the laws of nature itself are changing, and morphing. Of course, not always when the sunrise is set free (one of the most incredible lines!), does it allow the dawning of the object of ones' affection to realise that, perhaps, one even exists; I know I've felt this way. This in officially one of my favorite poems, and I hope that all of your poems are like this, and I am glad you were able to find the courage to share this amazing piece of the human psyche with all of us lowly spectators.
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Wow thanks to all for the lovely comments i guess i'd better find some more to post!
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Passionate and moving. An absolutely beautiful write. Love like this does exist for those lucky enough to find it. Well done.
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Wow thanks to all for the lovely comments i guess i'd better find some more to post!
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Hello there Starblaze.
This really wowed me! Language art is lovely, well proportioned with some wonderful descriptives. I nearly 'felt' that first love element again. That is what makes honest poetry. Good for you!
Joy has tamed the wild,
you've set the sunrise free <-- so beautiful:
*Suggestion*
Only thought I have on this is that poetry needs to f~l~y, and some of the lines are suspended from so much punctuation.
Otherwise, this is tight, clear, and has very little I'd do differently.
Let me feature this for you for comments!: Thank you for posting!
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Hi there thanks very much for the comment and the suggestions too i see what you mean about the poetry needing to fly a bit. I'll have to try and find some more to put up! thanks again!
Oh by the way, as i'm a bit new i dont really know how featuring works.. Is it something that's done already or that you wanted to do?
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