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Spin Cycle

You and I used to meet here

at the Wash-n-Dry.
Mom says you're "Bad News."
Frankly


I don't care.


After all,
who is she to give advice?
Having been married
like five times already
to total losers who
couldn't possibly have ever
looked at her the way
you look at me!

She  is always saying ridiculous things like

"That boy is gonna get you pregnant!"

 To which I respond

"What kind of girl do you think I am?"

 

That's why it sucked this morning when

I read the results of that test.

 

Damn.

 

So Mom was right

about one thing.

But none of the other stuff

she said could possibly be true!

She's just jealous of the

way you love me.

You would never leave me

like my deadbeat dad left her.

 

 

She'll see.

 

 

You told me

you'd  be here by six,

But now it's nearly nine, and they're

locking the doors.

You said you loved me,

and everything would be ok!

Where are you?

 

They want me to go home,

but I'm not leaving without you!

You're probably on your way right now.

Right????

Author notes

Not a true story. From a picture prompt.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very creative and interesting write--excellent take on the prompt and your imagination and creativity enhanced it.
    Congratulations on the award!


  • new born
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great write!!! I absolutley loved it, I can totally picture a girl my age or a little older waiting in vain for her no-good boyfriend.


  • Sarah957
    August 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was good characterization, kept me mesmorized to the last word.


  • Lowell Poe
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh my!
    This brought a tear to these Irish eyes.
    There is nothing more sad to me then seeing someone wait for their love.
    My heart literally aches from this...Im so glad it was not you.
    Something here touch me deep inside....
    you believed in this person despite the negative things being said...
    only to find out that they may have been right.
    The thought of a waiting heart....looking for the redemption of their convictions of this person..
    to find out the negative, the absolute worse circumstance
    that everyone one was right but you...
    your heart let you down ...
    you were wrong...
    but you still wait and hope....
    it really gave me a great sadness and overwhelming urge to comfort you.
    You are a great story teller and poet.
    At the end i felt you still waiting...and it killed me lass.

    MANY MANY BLESSINGS GYPSY,
    LOWELL


  • Jfd
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are a very good story teller, it was enticing and interesting, thank you for taking the time to enter!

  • cdudecosner
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was a good story. Sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) our parents can actually be right! lol. I really enjoyed reading this. Great work.


  • rin-macabre
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    for a picture prompt, this is great! i could have swore it was you in the situation, you put a lot of feeling into this. you flow isnt the best, but your feeling and overall compostion was magnifacent.


  • Metaphorist
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was hoping this was an extended metaphor based on the title and because I enjoyed the last one you wrote so much, but taken literally, it's wonderful. It may not be a true story but you have described the thoughts of a vulnerable woman perfectly. Well done!

  • fillurhands
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! Young love is always so crazy and intense. I remember being so sure about love at that age just to have the rug pulled out from under me. Probably the same for your Mom. Good Job and good Luck.


  • Charity Ann
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa! Nice take on the pic prompt. I like the "spin" you took on that. Reads like gold to me, good luck friend.

1 - 10 of 10