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the sun's breath

the mean laughter of the sand crabs
fully engulfs me

I lay listening

escape with me
where latitudes and longitudes
are nothing but squiggly lines

the globe's belt-
where shade is the devil

my bed's in the carcass of this palm leaf
as the blue sea whispers

I lay listening

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Melissa Burns
    November 4
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    Looks like I've been here before lol very pretty poem, very peaceful sounding - like the perfect little mental get away. ANYWAYS thanks for entering my humble little contest, GOOD LUCK!

  • Melissa Burns
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My bed's in the carcass of this palm leaft
    as the blue sea whispers....

    Delicious! Beautiful imagery and a relaxing state of mind while you're reading this!


  • Esgon Rashak
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow thats very good I love it keep up the good work and remember to


  • PoetryDove
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a fun write. I love it.

    My favorite part is definitely the second stanza:
    "escape with me
    where latitudes and longitudes
    are nothing but squiggle lines"
    - those lines were very creative.

    This poem is very soft and cute. It makes me want to go to the beach and get some sun for sure lol

    Sincerely,
    dove ~


  • Justin
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very cute poem.

    Try adding an 's' to engulf so that it reads "the mean laughter of the sand crabs fully ENGULFS me." Since there is one laughter, the verb should have an 's' on it.

    "the globes belt" might work better with an apostrophe, since it is possessive. Try "the globe's belt."

    I like the repetition of the line "I lay listening" a lot. It ended the poem very well!

    The line about squiggly lines was also awesome. It helped to paint a very vivid picture. Good job!

    Great write!


  • VanGoghNights
    May 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Very nice..i love everything about it.


  • Charity Ann
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh....yes! You took me there! I love to lay on the beach and listen to the quiet, pieceful sounds. Thanks so much for your entry and best of luck!

1 - 7 of 7