He likes her, not me.
She's the prettiest girl in school, as far as I can see,
Someone who I'll never be,
She's got perfect skin,
Perfect hair, perfect personality, perfect body,
She has perfect everything.
How can I compare myself to her?
I guess I can, but it would be like comparing dirt to diamonds.
And I'd be lying if I said I didn't care, because I do,
And it tears my heart in two.
Because he'll never like me as much as he likes her,
Because it's her who he prefers.
But what makes her his every wish and fantasy?
What makes her so much better than me?
Is it the fact that she looks like a celebrity?
Or the fact that she's everything I'll never be?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Yeah, I agree with Moqui Takoda...The rhyme in the beginning had awesome flow and all, but then it kinda stopped, then picked up again. Either way, this write was awesome...but I wouldn't get down about this...if it's real. Cody has a huge crush on Amber Schmidt, and she's gorgeous and someone I'll never be, but he LOVES me for me. Don't sweat it.
jess
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you begin, first of all, with a nice uneven rhyme scheme which is effective because it doesn't sing song (using sound rhyme has that risk) and also because you avoid a predictable rhythm which is a sign of a nice flair, especially when the flow is as smooth as this poem's flow is. the last ten or so lines begin a stead abab scheme which has the same attributes as the first part of the poem, which I find very enjoyable. The intense part of the poem is during the final 9 lines intoduced by the hasty comparison of dirt to diamonds ... symbols of our unity as humans to the symbol of high pressure upon compressed products of dirt (plants, etc) ... hasty, because in your last two line you contrast celebrity with your very being and future ... which one does 'he' choose her for, her looks or her true nature ... the poem when focused on his view of her and yours also, only describes her looks and appeal but not her inner beauty, and so you ask what does he really like ... and you answer your own question... this is so well done, but subtle, and as you wrote the poem, I think perhaps, like the reader, who has experienced the same feelings, know that you are as beautiful as she and that your day will come because what is inside will blossom in its time, and her's, which is only exterior and easily erased with time, is only dependent upon the present.
i apologize for going on for so long.
...
he has failed to acknowledge where beauty truly blossoms from, I think
,,,peace
Moqui
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