So I sit here tonight pondering my life,
Wondering where this path shall lead.
I stand here with my arms outstretched,
Asking why it is pain on which I seem to feed.
I have been down this road before.
It is the winding road that haunts all my dreams.
It steals my soul and plunders my spirit,
It robs my smiles and replaces them with screams.
I ask God why I always seem to be here,
Asking why I lose the track and again I am lost.
But I know the answer is always the same,
As he shows me the dreams I have given up at such a cost.
So here I am asking for another chance.
The chance to start believing in myself once more.
I am down on my knees pleading for help.
So once again I ask, can You please open the door.
Author notes
Based on the song "Same Mistake" by James Blunt
A contest entry
- Music inspired poetry. All welcome...HOWEVER!!! by Progandother.
1100 points, ended June 8, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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...regardless of the very mild vendetta I have with James Blunt...this is a very strong poem...I can clearly see where the song relates to this poem...evenly spaced out structure...consistent use of the first person singular subject pronoun (aka "I")...context wise it also shows the gradual build up in a person asking themselves for forgiveness...which I can see very clearly...well done...
...you made me read through the poem while listening to James Blunt...so another few brownie points for you there...nothing wrong with him...just...his voice annoys me...but luckily I had the poem to read at the same time so it wasn't as bad...
Oliver
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this is a poignant read, and a true expression of our common agonies..the path of pain is long and steep, but all paths are that lead to where we need to be..often i tell myself that poets require some pain to write..to break through the shell of silence and just scream..
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You need to "Get Happy"
What you need is my Cat Food
That will open the door
Put you in a better mood
Than you've ever been in before
Tiki Cat
Buy Tiki's Gourmet Cat Food
"Too Good For Humans"
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Vanessa, thanks for your comment on my little write. I am no poet, but occasionally pen something down and try to pass it off in that general arena. But you are a poet, and I especially resonate with this piece, because I have been in the same battle. I think it has more to do with parental legacy -- at least for me -- as well as, in an attempt to reach for a better life, I have to be fed up with this one. And then, of course, there's the damn price of gasoline ~
keep happy
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Hi vanessa,
I ended up back here again, just before I go, I'm just wondering is this about you and do you still feel it's relevant? Hope you don't mind me asking, it's just that I find further response to what's expressed if you do.
Is the door opening?
I hope it is
Sol -
I liked this. The final stanza seems to me to be a message of hope, that in fact you have completed your journey, nicely penned and well balanced. Couple of points: "It robs my smiles and replaces it with screams." should more correctly read: "It robs my smiles and replaces them with screams." There's a typo at "looses", should be "loses". A pleasure to read such a well written piece.
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Very interesting, very personal poem. The unequal line-lengths give it an almost conversational feeling.
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great write. It almost seemed like it was going to go down the path where the speaker would end up 6 feet under in the end, but it ended with the sense of hope almost. Just like maybe someone will be there for you. Awesome job
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Wow. This was like someone reading my mind. Powerful wording throughout.
But I know the answer is always the same,
As he shows me the dreams I have given up at such a cost.
Sucks when we feel we have blown our chances doesn't it, but we forget that we are not to blame. All we did was get born!
Awesome write, good work. -
Taking ourselves to task, to bring us to a prayer for that which is best for our selves is a truly positive direction to walk in.
Therefore we CAN believe in ourselves in such direction and witness the 'doors' necessarily opening.
Admirable and honest write.
Sol
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i like the idea in the first few stanzas. perhaps, you can play off of that better because i felt this piece was cliche.
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Powerful and strong write, but we know where the answers are, just look within. Seems we all ask the same questions, time and time again searching, as if we had never been here before. Truth is, our lives are getting old, with no great story to be told.
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Once again you have written a great poem Van with lots of emotion. You have asked for the door to be open, all you have to do is wait now for the right moment to enter.
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Good write. We all wonder where our destinies should lead adn I am still looking for my own. Part of mine however is poetry becuse you can dream dreams of anthing including fantasy.
Return the favor?
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good luck in contest, The door is open step through
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I also related to this. It's thought provoking.
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Oh my god! lol, i relate to this so much, and yet god wont give me my dreams back, but eh we're fighting, so ya, i love this poem!
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Dramatic
I could feel the yearning for acceptance
in your words of desperation.
We all feel lost sometimes,
Not knowing who what or why we are.
The best thing to do is to
believe in yourself.
Love yourself and know that the creator
put your here for a specific purpose.
For that reason you are unique
relevant and needed. The door is open.
pick up yourself and go and serve somebody
or something. Nice job on the poem
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Ahhhhhhh passionate
I could feel your emotions here and the earnest desire to change, leave this lonesome road you find yourself. never give up, even if you fall, the reward is for those who complete the race, so run as to win the race, and alweays keep trying to do better. Never give up, never surrender to failure. 
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Touching
You remind us of the cost of lost dreams - either of love or any other creative drive. Hope the door opens soon - or a window, or a pet door. The unlikely openings often provide the most relief and growth, because they're different from the disappointing path outside the door. Good luck in the contest!!
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A strong write on the nature of depression. It bites deep and then at other times we soar and gather inspiration from the depths we have plunged. Sometimes we don't recognise melancholy for what it is, but when it bites too deep, seek help.
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sad, yes, but also hopeful. There is always another chance...it's never too late.
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Great
This piece was so wonderful...the emotion was great and was expressed very well...I love it...alot -
I love this... a poem about redemption. The chance to find a new start, for happiness... This was written wonderfully. It flowed well, and the emotion bled from the page... A very wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing this. I hope that you are able to find this chance.
~Amy
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this is beautiful with such strong emotion. let me suggest however that with the image in place.. you should probably select a plain back background because the two images do not compliment each other and distract the reader from your amazing piece. so let your words do the work [cuz they can] and try a plain background. on the poem, absolutely beautiful with a clear message. just amazing. nice work
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Thats really good! 'It robs my smiles and replaces it with screams' That bits my favourite! nice....well done!
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Everyone deserves a second chance, you will get your chance. Just sometimes it takes time for you to move from one stage in your life to another, keep praying, it will come. As long as you trust in him, he will answer your prayers. This is a moving piece Vanessa, you have penned the words well here, I hope you win the contest... seems like a great entry!
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Nice structure and you said all you needed without going over or leaving the reader needing more.
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And the uplifting part of the plea----
the writer still can see the dreams...
Aesthete
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The serenity prayer is a good affiormation in times of struggle
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
The Courage to change the things i can
and the Wisdom to know the differance
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This is so emotional and sincere in expression. I can relate to this piece alot vanessa and the cycles of joy and pain you seem to be at the mercy of. I realy want to help but struggle with simmiliar issues. Aslong as you keep trying my sweet friend i'm sure you will blossom with vibrant independance and zest for life. YOU SEEM LIKE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL... I HOPE WITH ALL SINCERITY YOU FIND YOUR WAY
Excellent poem Vanessa.
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wonderful lesson we learn here Vanessa. We come to the begining, start again, end up earlier station, though we planned for different.Unknowingly life set its own course, free of our thinking, whether we call it fate or other.It moves in circles, however we wish to break away from it.A great poem from the pen of a great friend..provokes thinking Vanessa
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Very well done and a thoughtful take on the prompt. A stirring and heartfelt piece. Best wishes in the contest.
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Wow.. this poem hit me hard!! Very much the place I am at.. or at least need to get too!
This has such a feeling of being desolate and begging for a change to have your soul calmed and comforted!
A wonderful poem hun!
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