[ i thought i was over this ]

i thought i was over this
that's why i left u know
to get away from it
but its a fucking monster it is
it'll follow u until u give in
and the sad thing is i actually like it
i like this monster this fucking bitch that screams my name
it wants me the same as i want it
oh and its funny because sometimes it'll hide
just out of view and u think its gone
u think i don't need it i'm fine.
i don't even want it
and then it starts to creep
slower and slower
biding its time
because it knows the next time it'll have u in its grip
oh and i thought i was over this
but i want it so bad.
i want anything
i'm left
an addict
with nothing to do
i thought i wasn't like this
i thought i wouldn't be like this
and its all his fault
no, its my own fault
but he was the catalyst
and he calls himself my father?
that's a sad sadistic joke of a father.
ha a sad sadistic joke of a family
its so broken and torn
jus like the spawn it produced i suppose
oh god if only i could just have one more hit
jus something i want this itch to go the fuck away.
i don't want to feel anything. just that cold hard monster flowing thru my veins.
i want that speed. that bitch that screams my name.
oh god and to even admit it makes me sad. i sound like my father.
i hate this. i wish i could escape myself.
i don't even know who i am anymore. isn't that pathetic?
i feel like that u know.
that's why i always run.
i ran from here and i'll run again.
i'm just going around in circles.
my brain feels like its gonna explode
how do i make this stop?