I feel the fury rise,
and I know he sees it in me.
Deep within my eyes.
He lied to me,
and he was going to pay.
He'd hurt me and made my cry.
I promised I wouldnt let him,
no matter what he had to say.
We'd been together for a while.
He didn't have to try hard,
to make me smile.
When I was around him,
I felt like I could fly.
I had butterflies in my stomach,
when I looked him in the eye.
Now he's standing here, again,
making me cry.
And all I want,
is for him to die.
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Oh yes, been there, haven't we all? I liked the regularity of rhythm and rhyme throughout and the sentiments shine through. My only minor crit is to suggest a more original image/metaphor/simile than 'butterflies in my stomach' as it's well used. Apart from that I enjoyed reading this piece and can definitely relate, but we move on, thankfully and suddenly he's history and no good to me.. thanks for sharing.
Cheers. -
When I was around him,
I felt like I could fly.
I had butterflies in my stomach,
when I looked him in the eye.
very good assessment of how most people feel when in love.
i think everyone can relate. -
Very good! I can agree with your poem. I think that men need to be more understanding of the words they say, and what those words mean to us women, even the ones so simple as...."yes, i remembered that. Even though you told me so long ago, did you think I'd forget? "
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I was feeling a little 'Goodbye Earl' the other day for a friend of mine so this kinda fit the mood
Glad I got to read your work 
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absolutely beautifully put in so few lines. Amazing how(in this case) men can steal our hearts and yet break them so easily. We hope and long so much for the good parts of them that we endure the bad and sometimes too often. So often we wish it would just stop! How could the same man who once made your heart overflow with love and smiles now be the one breaking it into endless pain. This is a well written piece and though painful it is nice to know others have felt the same and can relate. thank you for sharing this
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i remember you telling me who this is for. i love this alot. it shows so much anger for just one person in such short lines. keep it up, i love this
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this was a very nice piece here thanks for sharing your thoughts here it was a very pleasure to read
Lady Jazz
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