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the beast within

Bitterness flows through my veins
My thoughts dark and angry
I want to be rid of my pains
But my misery controls me
My breath comes in gasps
And I shake uncontrollably
My anger consumes my soul
It flows through me
Bubbling under my skin
Threatening to devour me
Like a ravenous beast
I must let out
Before it consumes me
I must let it out
And woe to the next person
Who crosses my path

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    May 20

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    Excellent

    Venting is the best thing a person can do to get the mad out.This is a nicely crafted poem from someone w ho doesn't like to write. I write under Rebeljo At Poerty pen

  • Lalulis
    May 20, 2008

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    Very nicely written, so very descriptive ,I could imagine this all with the great visuals you used...and so much intense emotion!.......really great write!
    -Lu


  • shannon.green
    May 20, 2008
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    wow.

    wow...that was amazing. i love it. it is breath taking. wow. it was fabulous.


  • SoulfulBubbles
    May 20, 2008

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    roar

    This is a good poem i like the last lines and"bubbling under my skin threatening to devour me" and "Like a ravenous beast i must let out" , tho it did not make me sizzle with anger right along with you but instead it made me feel like i was watching you thinking about how angry you can get.

    i relate to this poem very much but me personally i want to feel your rage not remember my own your last four lines kind of do that

    i suggest more details descriptions and metaphors or think about how phrases sound for example: Bitterness pierces coursing throughout my veins if not try maybe somthing that "sounds" harsh or angry something that "sounds" like you at the point of bursting with anger thats why i really like the last four lines, Tho at the same time i think it could make a good song it has good flow and too much details would mess up song lyrics and tho i love complex details i also love a balance of simplicity
    (i mean mainly details but emotions too),

    i liked your piece, but just thought it could use a little more Roar XD

    so keep writing
    and creating

    - Kas K Bubbles ^-^
    peace in chaos out
    Balance of both


  • faggityann
    May 20, 2008

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    I enjoyed this! Usually I'm not a fan of pain/rage poetry but I could totally imagine this as a song (the last 5 lines being a chorus perhaps). Great use of rhyme, keep penning!


  • SuicidalLover
    May 20, 2008

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    This is so raw!!! I feel what you are feeling and that's a rare thing. I guess when we are young we tend not to care for what others may think. I like the poem for its raw reality. It's truely heartfelt and good. Just a stranger saying hi.
    ~Kystal Angel


  • movedon
    May 19, 2008

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    HAAH!
    I know that you're obviously angry and hurting..but the last part about pitying people across your path made me laugh lol. Sorry if it wasn't supposed to be funny! Well done on this write!!

    Mylee

    • scriptor
      May 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      well, its not supposed to be funny but i guess i can see what you mean

1 - 8 of 8